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Post by don on Oct 17, 2022 18:44:42 GMT -5
It has been two years since my son passed. He disappeared around the 13th of October in 2020. No one saw or heard from him ever again. His body was found four months later on a local golf course. We will never know the cause of his death, but it was either exposure or an overdose. The coroner at least, ruled out foul play. We prefer not to think that he deliberately ended his life. I miss Jacob every day. It really has left a wound in the hearts of his whole family. I regret that the last time I saw him in August of 2020, that I did not hug him and tell him how much I loved him. I know he knew it/knows it, but I will always regret not stopping what I was doing and just spending a few minutes with him. Jake had a lot of serious neurological and mental health issues and struggles that in the end, none of us were able to help him overcome, despite struggling mightily to do so. It hurts when I hear people denigrate the addicted and make light of their passing. For my son, the hand he was dealt and decisions and choices that were made led to a situation he could not overcome. All you can do is endeavor to persevere and help your brother and sister. Jacob was only 31. I love you, Jakey. i.postimg.cc/ht1SmtTY/6833441-B-BB2-F-41-F4-97-BF-DB74-F971566-E.jpg |
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Post by roadsdiverged on Oct 17, 2022 19:03:13 GMT -5
I'd give you a big hug if I could. I can't even imagine the toll this has taken on you and your family.
Mental health and addiction is a dangerous combo. I know first hand and I am very open about it. Me and my girlfriend got in a huge argument the other night about addiction. It was enough that I almost walked out. She knows my history and it struck a nerve with me.
Substance abuse hotline: 1-800-662-4357
Suicide & Crisis hotline: 988
Share love, compassion, and understanding.
No one knows what someone else is going through.
Hugs brother, big ones.
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Post by Ronv69 on Oct 17, 2022 19:18:53 GMT -5
Sorry buddy. I don't know what else to say. Hugs.
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Post by sperrytops on Oct 17, 2022 20:05:10 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your pain and your loss. Losing a child is a terrible thing.
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Post by terrapinflyer on Oct 17, 2022 20:09:20 GMT -5
I'll add my hug. I can't really imagine, as I don’t have children.
I had a terrible addiction to alcohol, so that part I understand. And comorbid mood disorders, too. And I get the irritation at some people's attitude. I like to think it’s from ignorance, not malice.
{{hugz}}
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Post by trailboss on Oct 17, 2022 20:14:01 GMT -5
A pretty handsome lad, I cannot imagine how heartbreaking something like this can be.
A span of ten years can seem like long ago, but also like yesterday.
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Post by don on Oct 17, 2022 20:25:58 GMT -5
Thank you guys. Yes he was a handsome lad. Smart and gregarious. Could have been a great hoops player. He had a knack for it, but had difficulty focusing on coaching input.
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Post by toshtego on Oct 17, 2022 21:33:07 GMT -5
Don, I am sorry for your loss.
There is nothing worse than losing a child.
Thank you for sharing this. I know it has to be hard.
Those of us here try to comfort one and another. We all seen some serious stuff and carry the pains.
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Post by just ol ed on Oct 17, 2022 21:46:27 GMT -5
all I can do is add condolences, I lost two great step-daughters, '01 & '12, different causes. Can relate. Bests to you & rest of family
Ed Duncan, Batavia, NY
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Post by Silver on Oct 17, 2022 21:46:41 GMT -5
I can't imagine the pain. Hugs from me, too.
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Post by Plainsman on Oct 17, 2022 21:48:26 GMT -5
I am so sorry to learn thus, Don. What a weight you carry. I lost a son. But he was a baby, not at all the same thing. Heart-felt condolences.
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Post by swampgrizzly on Oct 18, 2022 0:04:32 GMT -5
I'm sure it would be difficult for me to walk in your shoes or Jacob's as described in your post. I'm sorry for your loss and from the intensity of your feelings just being expressed in your post, I feel that Jacob had to have known how much you loved him. Though the times are difficult for you now, I can imagine a joyous reunion for you in the afterlife.
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Post by oldcajun123 on Oct 18, 2022 5:26:37 GMT -5
 I am at a loss for words, can't conceive the loss of my children, you have my total sympathy so sorry Don.
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Post by don on Oct 18, 2022 6:08:01 GMT -5
Thank you guys. I truly appreciate it. Thankful for family and friends.
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Post by don on Oct 18, 2022 6:20:35 GMT -5
all I can do is add condolences, I lost two great step-daughters, '01 & '12, different causes. Can relate. Bests to you & rest of family Ed Duncan, Batavia, NY Ed, sorry for your losses. |
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Post by don on Oct 18, 2022 6:29:40 GMT -5
Don, I am sorry for your loss. There is nothing worse than losing a child. Thank you for sharing this. I know it has to be hard. Those of us here try to comfort one and another. We all seen some serious stuff and carry the pains. Thank you, John. You are right. We prop each other up, and keep plugging away. I imagine some of you guys have truly been through some ordeals and times of trial. There is a lot of life experience here in this group. I truly appreciate the viewpoints and perspectives each of you shares in this forum. It is why I came back. I missed the comradery that exists here. |
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Post by peterd-Buffalo Spirit on Oct 18, 2022 6:59:07 GMT -5
I lost my oldest son 3 years ago to alcohol addiction... he was 33 years old. I miss him every day...hugs to you brother...
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Rattlesnake Daddy
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Post by Rattlesnake Daddy on Oct 18, 2022 8:10:15 GMT -5
Reading this thread brings back memories of a few friends and family I have lost over the years, though I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a child. My sympathies to all.
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Post by dervis on Oct 18, 2022 8:48:49 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss, and I appreciate you sharing with us. We are all "screw" ups in this world. The idea that my screw up is less because someone else's is more is a dumb dumb game. We all have our burdens and problems. He was a fellow man and his loss is a loss for all of us as a collective group. Maybe us reading this can be a little kinder than we might have been today to our fellow man. And to those of us blessed enough to be able to , call our respective Dads, Sons, Mothers, Daughters whomever. I know my dad has been here about every day (working on house) and we butt heads sometimes, This is a good reminder that we don't have every day together promised.
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Post by Plainsman on Oct 18, 2022 9:00:11 GMT -5
A quote I remember, paraphrased: “Each of us is fighting his own private war. Be kind.”
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Post by Legend Lover on Oct 18, 2022 9:39:04 GMT -5
Aw buddy, I'm so sorry for your loss. They say time heals, but it doesn't really - it only serves to perhaps numb the intensity, but you'll never forget.
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Post by cigrmaster on Oct 18, 2022 10:57:57 GMT -5
my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine the pain you have been through and are still going through.
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Post by Ronv69 on Oct 18, 2022 12:22:39 GMT -5
I lost my oldest son 3 years ago to alcohol addiction... he was 33 years old. I miss him every day...hugs to you brother... So sorry for your loss. Hugs for you too. |
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Post by don on Oct 18, 2022 16:07:05 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss, and I appreciate you sharing with us. We are all "screw" ups in this world. The idea that my screw up is less because someone else's is more is a dumb dumb game. We all have our burdens and problems. He was a fellow man and his loss is a loss for all of us as a collective group. Maybe us reading this can be a little kinder than we might have been today to our fellow man. And to those of us blessed enough to be able to , call our respective Dads, Sons, Mothers, Daughters whomever. I know my dad has been here about every day (working on house) and we butt heads sometimes, This is a good reminder that we don't have every day together promised. Thanks Travis. Well said. I did plenty of stupid stuff as a teen and young adult. I survived through the Grace of God. I know I could have lost my life or hurt someone with my foolish and naive behavior. Finally wised up in my mid 20s. |
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Post by don on Oct 18, 2022 16:20:14 GMT -5
Aw buddy, I'm so sorry for your loss. They say time heals, but it doesn't really - it only serves to perhaps numb the intensity, but you'll never forget. I cried some every day for a long time after he was found. My commute takes me past the spot he was found every time I commute to and from work. That was gut wrenching for several months and I nearly changed my route. Instead I began praying for him and anyone else as I made my drive in. I have continued this on my daily commute. It has done me a lot of good and is now my time to reflect each morning and afternoon. I still get poker-axed once in a while by things that touch my grief. Watching someone else grieve the loss of a child hits me especially hard. Or a child grieving for a lost parent. On 60 Minutes, Sunday night they reported on the massacre in Bucha, Ukraine. They had a poor man on whose wife and two young sons were murdered for no reason by Russian soldiers. It had my wife and I both in tears and so angry about how unjust, evil and unnecessary any of the violence being inflicted on those people is. I believe that Putin and his cronies will be held accountable for their crimes. Either here on Earth or in the afterlife. The history of the world is rife with tragedy, that will never change. |
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Post by don on Oct 18, 2022 16:20:55 GMT -5
A quote I remember, paraphrased: “Each of us is fighting his own private war. Be kind.” Truth |
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Post by Goldbrick on Oct 18, 2022 19:13:17 GMT -5
I don't have any kids, but the thought of watching a son grow up, only to lose him, is too pain for me to conceive. Hugs and prayers for Don and Peter; I remember when both your boys were lost...time doesn't help with such loss, only faith.
Stay strong my friends
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Post by trailboss on Oct 18, 2022 19:28:12 GMT -5
My brother’s daughter committed suicide a few years ago, she had all the degrees, a home paid off in California at 35, a renowned chemist at the vintners in Napa Valley.
Alcoholism has been a cruel reaper in my family…It evolved I believe to help mankind, but there is a blurry line that is crossed all to often.
I am just glad to not have a brother that did the same when he lost his daughter, it was close, but no cigar for the reaper.
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Post by don on Oct 18, 2022 20:48:38 GMT -5
My brother’s daughter committed suicide a few years ago, she had all the degrees, a home paid off in California at 35, a renowned chemist at the vintners in Napa Valley. Alcoholism has been a cruel reaper in my family…It evolved I believe to help mankind, but there is a blurry line that is crossed all to often. I am just glad to not have a brother that did the same when he lost his daughter, it was close, but no cigar for the reaper. Yeah. That would be horrible on top of the first loss. My daughter lost her best friend to suicide. Had a fight with mom and decided to “show her”. She caused a lot of trauma to her friends. The old permanent solution to a temporary problem. I had a cousin commit suicide. Who knows why? |
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Post by Zach on Oct 19, 2022 17:50:42 GMT -5
Very sorry for your loss, Don.
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I am at a loss for words, can't conceive the loss of my children, you have my total sympathy so sorry Don.
