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Post by qmechanics on Sept 24, 2018 14:20:19 GMT -5
Monty Python and The Holy Grail
Scene 10: The Oral Sects or Sir Gallahad Faces Peril Valiantly
[trumpets]
NARRATOR:The Tale of Sir Galahad.
[boom]
[wind]
[howl]
[howl]
[boom]
[angels singing]
[howl]
[boom]
[howl]
[boom]
[pound pound pound]
GALAHAD: Open the door! Open the door!
[pound pound pound]
GALAHAD:In the name of King Arthur, open the door!
[creak]
[thump]
[creak]
[boom]
GIRLS: Hello!
ZOOT: Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
GALAHAD: The Castle Anthrax?
ZOOT: Yes. Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need!
GALAHAD: You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?
ZOOT: The what?
GALAHAD: The Grail. It is here.
ZOOT: Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Midget! Crapper!
MIDGET and CRAPPER: Yes, O Zoot?
ZOOT: Prepare a bed for our guest.
MIDGET and CRAPPER: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!...
ZOOT: Away! Away, varletesses. The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big.
GALAHAD: Well, look, I-- I, uh--
ZOOT: What is your name, handsome knight?
GALAHAD: 'Sir Galahad... the Chaste'.
ZOOT: Mine is 'Zoot'. Just 'Zoot'. Oh, but come.
GALAHAD: Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail!
ZOOT: Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious.
GALAHAD: No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this--
ZOOT: Sir Galahad! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality.
GALAHAD: Well, I-- I, uh--
ZOOT: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!
GALAHAD: No, no. It's-- it's nothing.
ZOOT: Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! No, no, please! Lie down.
[clap clap]
PIGLET: Well, what seems to be the trouble?
GALAHAD: They're doctors?!
ZOOT: Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes.
GALAHAD: B-- but--
ZOOT: Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. Doctor Piglet! Doctor Winston! Practise your art.
WINSTON: Try to relax.
GALAHAD: Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?
PIGLET: We must examine you.
GALAHAD: There's nothing wrong with that!
PIGLET: Please. We are doctors.
GALAHAD: Look! This cannot be. I am sworn to chastity.
PIGLET: Back to your bed! At once!
GALAHAD: Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail!
PIGLET: There's no grail here.
GALAHAD: I have seen it! I have seen it!
[clank]
I have seen--
GIRLS: Hello.
GALAHAD: Oh.
GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
GALAHAD: Zoot!
DINGO: No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.
GALAHAD: Oh, well, excuse me, I--
DINGO: Where are you going?
GALAHAD: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!
DINGO: Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!
GALAHAD: Well, what is it?
DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.
GALAHAD: It's not the real Grail?
DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! She is a bad person and must pay the penalty! Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now, we're glad. It's better than some of the previous scenes, I think.
LEFT HEAD: At least ours was better visually.
DENNIS: Well, at least ours was committed. It wasn't just a string of pansy jokes.
OLD MAN: Get on with it.
TIM THE ENCHANTER: Yes, get on with it!
ARMY OF KNIGHTS: Yes, get on with it!
DINGO: Oh, I am enjoying this scene.
GOD: Get on with it!
DINGO:
[sigh]
[clunk]
Oh, wicked, wicked Zoot. Oh, she is a naughty person and she must pay the penalty, and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon: you must tie her down on a bed and spank her.
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
DINGO: You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like, and then, spank me.
AMAZING: And spank me.
STUNNER: And me.
LOVELY: And me.
DINGO: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight!
DINGO: And after the spanking, the oral sex.
GIRLS: The oral sex! The oral sex!
GALAHAD: Well, I could stay a bit longer.
LANCELOT: Sir Galahad!
GALAHAD: Oh, hello.
LANCELOT: Quick!
GALAHAD: What?
LANCELOT: Quick!
GALAHAD: Why?
LANCELOT: You are in great peril!
DINGO: No, he isn't.
LANCELOT: Silence, foul temptress!
GALAHAD: You know, she's got a point.
LANCELOT: Come on! We will cover your escape!
GALAHAD: Look, I'm fine!
LANCELOT: Come on!
GIRLS: Sir Galahad!
GALAHAD: No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!
DINGO: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!
GIRLS: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!
LANCELOT: No, Sir Galahad. Come on!
GALAHAD: No! Really! Honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily.
DINGO: Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily.
GIRLS: Yes. Let him handle us easily.
LANCELOT: No. Quick! Quick!
GALAHAD: Please! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them!
DINGO: Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance.
GIRLS: We haven't a chance. He will beat us easily...
[boom]
DINGO: Oh, shite.
LANCELOT: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
GALAHAD: I don't think I was.
LANCELOT: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
LANCELOT: No, it's too perilous.
GALAHAD: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
LANCELOT: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!
GALAHAD: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
LANCELOT: No. It's unhealthy.
GALAHAD: I bet you're gay.
LANCELOT: No, I'm not.
Narrative Interlude
NARRATOR: Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Grail. Meanwhile, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging--
CROWD: Get on with it!
NARRATOR: Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Arthur discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling-- oooh!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2018 14:31:33 GMT -5
I read all that ^^^^^^^^^^ now I’m seriously constipated.......lol
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Post by Legend Lover on Sept 24, 2018 15:04:12 GMT -5
A classic scene. Thanks for posting. I wonder is it on YouTube.
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Post by Legend Lover on Sept 24, 2018 15:05:53 GMT -5
A classic scene. Thanks for posting. I wonder is it on YouTube. here it is... From about 4:15 |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2018 15:30:31 GMT -5
So tell me good gentles, Was this supposed to be funny
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2018 15:46:59 GMT -5
Very good ^^^^^^^^ point John👍👍
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Post by Legend Lover on Sept 24, 2018 16:24:48 GMT -5
So tell me good gentles, Was this supposed to be funny Monty Python wasn't everyone's cup of tea. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2018 16:34:10 GMT -5
So tell me good gentles, Was this supposed to be funny Monty Python wasn't everyone's cup of tea. Neither was Benny Hill, Mr.Bean, Dr. Who Presentation is very important in the written word, it misses the small important thins like facial expression, body language, simple movements of the hands. In other words it wasn't descriptive enough |
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Post by Legend Lover on Sept 24, 2018 16:46:07 GMT -5
Monty Python wasn't everyone's cup of tea. Neither was Benny Hill, Mr.Bean, Dr. Who Presentation is very important in the written word, it misses the small important thins like facial expression, body language, simple movements of the hands. In other words it wasn't descriptive enough Absolutely. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2018 16:48:00 GMT -5
So tell me good gentles, Was this supposed to be funny Monty Python wasn't everyone's cup of tea. I’d much rather get a wisdom tooth extracted then watch one full episode! Weird, just very weird.....nothing more to add!!! |
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Post by Legend Lover on Sept 24, 2018 16:57:39 GMT -5
Monty Python wasn't everyone's cup of tea. I’d much rather get a wisdom tooth extracted then watch one full episode! Weird, just very weird.....nothing more to add!!! hahaha. I find them hilarious... And some sketches not too dissimilar to the deck sketch you posted recently... But then others were just plain weird. |
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Post by qmechanics on Sept 24, 2018 18:21:57 GMT -5
I read all that ^^^^^^^^^^ now I’m seriously constipated.......lol Monty Python is not for everyone. To those who watched the film and enjoy this type of humor, the script above will make more sense. My thread was meant to bring back good memories and maybe introduce others of similar mind to a not so hidden treasure. PS When Monty Python first appeared the group was quite scandalous. Their humorous take on British culture and in a broader sense Western sensibilities etc. , created its fair share of controversy (late 1960s early 1970s, go figure lol 😁). Some of Python's humor can also be a bit dated(in the TV series some skits hit the mark while others missed like any comedy troop.). This does not take away from the group's true genius and impact as during its time Python was truly the cutting edge, some said subversive. An opinion that has merit. Funny enough through the years I have listened to many viewpoints on such humor(I was introduced to Python after their heyday;too young.). One thing I found generally true is that women have the most difficulty finding the material humorous,though there are a number of ladies who get it and men who do not. There is also a generational humor gap. I do not suffer much from this. My other opinions/observations regarding Python's philosophy.impact and folk's reactions, I will keep to myself😁. |
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Post by qmechanics on Sept 24, 2018 19:22:07 GMT -5
A classic scene. Thanks for posting. I wonder is it on YouTube. here it is... From about 4:15 I was called away before I could post a clip of the scene (A good way to help some understand the script better.). I really appreciate your efforts Legend Lover. |
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Post by pepesdad1 on Sept 24, 2018 19:50:23 GMT -5
The older you get the funnier Monty Python is. Some may not think it is funny...but if you were stoned, it was funny as hell. I think I'll just leave this alone at this point. (yuk, yuk, yuk)
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Post by Legend Lover on Sept 25, 2018 2:11:55 GMT -5
I read all that ^^^^^^^^^^ now I’m seriously constipated.......lol Monty Python is not for everyone. To those who watched the film and enjoy this type of humor, the script above will make more sense. My thread was meant to bring back good memories and maybe introduce others of similar mind to a not so hidden treasure. PS When Monty Python first appeared the group was quite scandalous. Their humorous take on British culture and in a broader sense Western sensibilities etc. , created its fair share of controversy (late 1960s early 1970s, go figure lol 😁). Some of Python's humor can also be a bit dated(in the TV series some skits hit the mark while others missed like any comedy troop.). This does not take away from the group's true genius and impact as during its time Python was truly the cutting edge, some said subversive. An opinion that has merit. Funny enough through the years I have listened to many viewpoints on such humor(I was introduced to Python after their heyday;too young.). One thing I found generally true is that women have the most difficulty finding the material humorous,though there are a number of ladies who get it and men who do not. There is also a generational humor gap. I do not suffer much from this. My other opinions/observations regarding Python's philosophy.impact and folk's reactions, I will keep to myself😁. quite true, qmechanics. Some of their stuff material was ahead of its time, other stuff fell flat on its face and wasn't funny in the slightest... But then that's also my opinion. What I find funny others mightn't. That said, I have a very low laughter threshold. |
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Post by qmechanics on Sept 25, 2018 2:37:39 GMT -5
quite true, qmechanics. Some of their stuff material was ahead of its time, other stuff fell flat on its face and wasn't funny in the slightest... But then that's also my opinion. What I find funny others mightn't. That said, I have a very low laughter threshold. With the last statement I believe you might be doing a disservice to Python and yourself. Some of the skits became funnier as I got older, not because of my "laugh threshold" lowering but life experience and knowledge growing. If a meatball,fries and a soft drink crack you up over and over then you might have a point but not until then 😁. Another way to take the last sentence is a gentleman's ability to laugh at many things. |
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Post by Legend Lover on Sept 25, 2018 3:23:19 GMT -5
quite true, qmechanics . Some of their stuff material was ahead of its time, other stuff fell flat on its face and wasn't funny in the slightest... But then that's also my opinion. What I find funny others mightn't. That said, I have a very low laughter threshold. With the last statement I believe you might be doing a disservice to Python and yourself. Some of the skits became funnier as I got older, not because of my "laugh threshold" lowering but life experience and knowledge growing. If a meatball,fries and a soft drink crack you up over and over then you might have a point but not until then 😁. Another way to take the last sentence is a gentleman's ability to laugh at many things. You are right...That's a general statement about me and shouldn't have been written in a post related to Monty Python since you don't necessarily need a low laughter threshold to appreciate them. However, in general, I try to see the funny side of everything and I would make jokes or puns which I think are HILARIOUS, but people just roll their eyes at me. A friend of mine said once that I was a good person to have around because I make them look funny, because I laughed at most of what they said. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2018 3:29:11 GMT -5
The older you get the funnier Monty Python is. Some may not think it is funny...but if you were stoned, it was funny as hell. I think I'll just leave this alone at this point. ( yuk, yuk, yuk) Guess that’s my problem, I’ve never been stoned in my lifetime 👍. Oh, but I really enjoy Benny Hill, even though in “ real life “ he was a recluse. But for the Brits he was normal......lol. |
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Post by qmechanics on Sept 25, 2018 3:48:27 GMT -5
The older you get the funnier Monty Python is. Some may not think it is funny...but if you were stoned, it was funny as hell. I think I'll just leave this alone at this point. ( yuk, yuk, yuk) Guess that’s my problem, I’ve never been stoned in my lifetime 👍. Oh, but I really enjoy Benny Hill, even though in “ real life “ he was a recluse. But for the Brits he was normal......lol. True Confession time? I have never been stoned; A rare buzz here and there from beer, whisky and whiskey (not all at once mind you😁)... PS Maybe some folks need a bit of help to loosen up a bit and let the humor flow, a humor angioplasty. |
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Post by Legend Lover on Sept 25, 2018 3:55:04 GMT -5
Guess that’s my problem, I’ve never been stoned in my lifetime 👍. Oh, but I really enjoy Benny Hill, even though in “ real life “ he was a recluse. But for the Brits he was normal......lol. True Confession time? I have never been stoned; A rare buzz here and there from beer, whisky and whiskey (not all at once mind you😁)... PS Maybe some folks need a bit of help to loosen up a bit and let the humor flow, a humor angioplasty. Humour is subjective - it's what makes the world go round (actually I think it's more scientific than that). |
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Post by Ronv69 on Sept 25, 2018 9:06:44 GMT -5
We had a pet Welshman that slept on our couch for a couple of years in the 70's. He watched Python religiously. The main thing is that he laughed at the parts that were not obvious jokes to us. I don't believe that an American can truly appreciate them. I found them strange and slightly amusing. Being in an altered state didn't make them any better, just less comprehensible.
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Post by toshtego on Sept 25, 2018 9:24:23 GMT -5
That movie was a treat for me.
MP humor hits me where I live most of the time and I loved all their movies.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2018 9:31:41 GMT -5
The "Argument Clinic" and "How Not To Be Seen" come to mind as some of my favorite sketches of all time.
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Post by toshtego on Sept 25, 2018 12:27:37 GMT -5
The "Argument Clinic" and "How Not To Be Seen" come to mind as some of my favorite sketches of all time. "Ministry of Silly Walks" was one of my favorites. Then, I am easily amused. Returning to The Holy Grail, The Black Knight scene and The Knights of Nit were good. |
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Post by jeffd on Sept 25, 2018 13:29:12 GMT -5
There is a culture gap. Certain things that would be hilarious if one were educated in the UK at the time and tuned in to history, and the tone.
There is a gender gap too I agree. Not for obvious reasons but it is true that in my experience a female Monte Python fan is kind of rare.
And now, alas, there is also a generation gap. So many years and so much about humor and its presentation has changed.
But in the context of the right time and culture and gender, you will have to believe me, this stuff is hilarious.
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Post by username on Sept 25, 2018 16:56:25 GMT -5
The "Argument Clinic" and "How Not To Be Seen" come to mind as some of my favorite sketches of all time. Agreed also dead parrot. |
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Post by jeffd on Sept 25, 2018 22:01:52 GMT -5
This cracks me up:
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Post by jeffd on Sept 25, 2018 22:08:14 GMT -5
Reading The Club Dumas, by Arturo Pérez-Reverte.
Kind of a Dan Brown book. If you like Dan Brown you will like Club Dumas. If you kind of liked Dan Brown but really wanted a bit more, you will love Club Dumas.
And you will like The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova
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Post by qmechanics on Sept 26, 2018 0:04:38 GMT -5
There is a culture gap. Certain things that would be hilarious if one were educated in the UK at the time and tuned in to history, and the tone. There is a gender gap too I agree. Not for obvious reasons but it is true that in my experience a female Monte Python fan is kind of rare. And now, alas, there is also a generation gap. So many years and so much about humor and its presentation has changed. But in the context of the right time and culture and gender, you will have to believe me, this stuff is hilarious. Jeffd has done a good job of distilling some points previously made and summarizing them accordingly.I would like to expand and add a few more commments to this discussion. There are layers to Python.There are also many reasons why folks succeed and fail to find humor in such comedy. For example,the use of irony is one of the key underpinnings to Python's humor & success. The problem with irony,in particular nonuniversal themes,is the requirements on the audience,who have to possess the proper knowledge and/or experience in order to understand what is being said. Though I am pretty familiar with European history,philosophy, culture etc. (British thought being fundamental to this discussion.),sometimes Python plays with 1960-70s personalities and/or provincial information that I am not familiar with. As a result, the interaction point is effectively cut off and the humor is lost to me. This does not mean the script cannot work on other levels as Python often intertwines multiple strands of humor that can draw one in. In time, I have also discovered that what was once opaque has become transparent due to the knowledge and experience I have gained, providing fuller richer enjoyment of such humor. Behind irony and other tributaries that contribute to the river Monty,there is also the framework of personality that orchestrates our understanding.If one is not so inclined,elements of Python's humor can be forever lost (Python employs many forms of humor,from slapstick to philosophical humor,so such comprehension varies.), no matter the education or background (though some appreciation can be had with knowledge.). Falling short of understanding, folks can range from being academically appreciative to dismissive,calling Python silly or stupid (like the Colonel); which is true and not true at the same time😁. As stated previously, one can be caught in a cultural, gender and/or generational gap(s) however the gap of personality can trump them all. One can go much further analyzing Python, folks reactions etc. but this is a chat forum not a journal or book club😀. PS I would also argue that the Pythons can fail to deliver the goods.This is true of any comedy troop. Further more Aaargh...... "Now, I've noticed a tendency for this programme to get rather silly. Now I do my best to keep things moving along, but I'm not having things getting silly. Those two last sketches I did got very silly indeed, and that last one about the bed was even sillier. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do... except perhaps my wife and some of her friends... oh yes and Captain Johnston. Come to think of it most people likes a good laugh more than I do. But that's beside the point. Now, let's have a good clean healthy outdoor sketch. Get some air into your lungs. Ten, nine, eight and all that." The Colonel |
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Post by jeffd on Sept 26, 2018 0:38:53 GMT -5
Reading The Club Dumas, by Arturo Pérez-Reverte. Kind of a Dan Brown book. If you like Dan Brown you will like Club Dumas. If you kind of liked Dan Brown but really wanted a bit more, you will love Club Dumas. And you will like The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova I was trying to post this in the library section. How it got here I haven't a clue. |
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