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Post by AJ on Feb 17, 2019 15:06:11 GMT -5
Some real "moldy oldies" here, but some I'd not heard before (or at 70 years of age, don't remember I've heard them before)
Understanding Engineers #1 Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool." Understanding Engineers #9 Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, llooking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Steven, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!" Both engineers have since quit their jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress . * * * * * * * * * * *
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Post by Legend Lover on Feb 17, 2019 15:46:39 GMT -5
Very good AJ.
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Post by oldcajun123 on Feb 17, 2019 15:48:37 GMT -5
I love it, worked with them for over 30 yrs. lLots of truth in that.
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Post by pepesdad1 on Feb 17, 2019 16:14:33 GMT -5
"One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress".
Ain't that the truth!!!
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Post by Darin on Feb 17, 2019 16:23:10 GMT -5
Good stuff!
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Post by just ol ed on Feb 17, 2019 16:42:12 GMT -5
Excellent & Thanx. 1st heard #6 yrs ago about why wimmen folk created wrong. Exhaust pipe too close to the playpen
"Dirty" ol ed
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Post by peterd-Buffalo Spirit on Feb 17, 2019 16:43:16 GMT -5
...Thanks, AJ...
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Post by oldcajun123 on Feb 17, 2019 17:23:10 GMT -5
I’ve never been one to hold my tongue, we had flange leaks on 54 inch transfer lines from furnaces to a Big Fractionater, the heart of a Chemical plant where it made the cut on 600 degrees effluent. We generally put steam hoses and had pipe fitters tighten them, At night I had crawled under several times with a strike face wrench and hammer stopping the leak. They called us in one day, Big Shot Furnace engineers from Houston came up with a plan, they were gonna box in over 300 ft of transfer line. As they told us that in the Conference,room, no said a thing. I couldn’t take it anymore I said that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of, you’ve just created the biggest bomb in the City of Baton Rouge, Outside it dissalates, but in the box it will ignite, blow up and tear this plant apart. The looks on their faces were stunning as though they had never thought of that. The transfer lines were never boxed and I didn’t get a raise for 2 years. Screw em, my wife had a beauty shop, I had a stake in a Quater horse with my Uncle that made me a lot of money.
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jitterbugdude
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Post by jitterbugdude on Feb 17, 2019 18:04:58 GMT -5
There's a reason engineers get a bad rap. It's because they are not really engineers. When I think of a "real" engineer I think of a 4 year degree engineer from an accredited university. Most of the degree engineers I've met fall into 2 categories. Those that can recount any formula in the world to you but have no idea what torque actually is from a hands on perspective and then there are those that can't dazzle you with formulas but they fix just about anything.
The problem arises because everyone calls themselves an "Engineer". They get 3hours of training in some subject and then call themselves engineers. I got in an argument once with a "Verizon Engineer". The guy swore up and down that he was a real engineer.
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Post by oldcajun123 on Feb 17, 2019 18:14:36 GMT -5
I accept that. I although have no degree have 3 yrs off Campus at William& Mary, went to 5 yrs at LSU Offsite at Exxon facuilty for engineering. Exxon hired the top 1 percenters, out of those about 1 in 5 had common sense along with book sense. The better engineers were the old guys who had worked all over the World.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 18:31:30 GMT -5
My old man was an electronical engineer by trade, had a solid degree and was as a navigator in the ASAF. He definitely took some serious arse kickings; however, he found his niche and made enough money to bailout at 55, left it all behind, married his second wife and they went ballroom dancing up and the down the East Coast until both their final years. Pretty damn good life as near as I can figure.
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Post by kxg on Feb 17, 2019 19:26:58 GMT -5
In my former life I worked with all sorts of engineers, some were better than many others. One of the best was a Chem-E who grew up working around his parents farm. His dad was also a skilled maintenance man. This guy was smart, hard working, practical, and was willing to listen to the field guys. He wasn't a know-it-all, but he knew a lot and was willing to admit when he didn't. I enjoyed working with him and we're friends to this day.
The worst were those that thought they knew it all right out of school - they could be dangerous. What I learned was arrogance and ignorance often go hand-in-hand.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 19:48:30 GMT -5
Being a mechanical technician most of my life, I have cursed those educated idiots for years. They don't give a dirty rats a$$ wether or not it makes a mechanics life hell trying to work on it, it just has to look good on their sketch pad.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 20:08:01 GMT -5
Being a mechanical technician most of my life, I have cursed those educated idiots for years. They don't give a dirty rats a$$ wether or not it makes a mechanics life hell trying to work on it, it just has to look good on their sketch pad. Engineers often get overridden by the bean counters. Just sayin...
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Post by pepesdad1 on Feb 17, 2019 20:47:51 GMT -5
I’ve never been one to hold my tongue, we had flange leaks on 54 inch transfer lines from furnaces to a Big Fractionater, the heart of a Chemical plant where it made the cut on 600 degrees effluent. We generally put steam hoses and had pipe fitters tighten them, At night I had crawled under several times with a strike face wrench and hammer stopping the leak. They called us in one day, Big Shot Furnace engineers from Houston came up with a plan, they were gonna box in over 300 ft of transfer line. As they told us that in the Conference,room, no said a thing. I couldn’t take it anymore I said that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of, you’ve just created the biggest bomb in the City of Baton Rouge, Outside it dissalates, but in the box it will ignite, blow up and tear this plant apart. The looks on their faces were stunning as though they had never thought of that. The transfer lines were never boxed and I didn’t get a raise for 2 years. Screw em, my wife had a beauty shop, I had a stake in a Quater horse with my Uncle that made me a lot of money. Probably saved a lot of lives by speaking up...'cause you knew what you were talking about. "the worst were those that thought they knew it all right out of school - they could be dangerous. What I learned was arrogance and ignorance often go hand-in-hand." ...and there is some words of wisdom!!!
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jackdiamond
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Engineers
Feb 17, 2019 20:51:50 GMT -5
via mobile
AJ likes this
Post by jackdiamond on Feb 17, 2019 20:51:50 GMT -5
Good stuff, AJ!
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Post by roadsdiverged on Feb 17, 2019 21:30:07 GMT -5
Good stuff AJ #5 made me laugh.
No degree here, no title, just a good bit of "hands on," a whole lot of critical thinking, and even more trial and error.
If it ticks, moves, flows, supports, swings, (insert other adjective here)... but then it doesn't do that anymore, give me a little bit of time and it'll work again.
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