msokeefe
Junior Member
Posts: 464
First Name: Mark
Favorite Pipe: Petersen Red 03 bent apple spigot, Savinelli 310 KS
Favorite Tobacco: Father Dempsey, Presbyterian, Wilke’s Crystal Palace, Westminster, Black House
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Post by msokeefe on Jun 13, 2022 20:40:19 GMT -5
My father died on June 3 at the age of 79. It was horrific. He lived on lake front property in Va. my parents put their lake house in an irrevocable trust, along with an adjoining lot, in 1999. It stipulated that their three sons, which included me would each get a 33 1/3 share of the real estate. My one brother died in 2003, soon thereafter my other brother cut ties with the family. My mom died in 2010. On her death bed I called and implored my estranged brother to visit her before she passed. He refused. By 2009, my father had a will drawn up making me sole beneficiary of his estate. He inserted a stipulation that my estranged brother was omitted from his will, since he was estranged from the family. From what I understand the trust is ironclad and his will does not mitigate that. In 2012, my father decided to build another house on the adjoining lot, as well as a dock and boat lift. At the time of his passing, he had 3 tenants occupying his property. I don’t have a death certificate yet. I have to try to get his affairs settled, so that I can take care of bills and see to the needs of the tenants. One of the worst thing is that due to the trust, my estranged brother may be entitled to 1/2 the real estate. He doesn’t deserve a dime. Five years ago I ran into my estranged brother, I did not bring up the fact that he disavowed my mom on her death bed. I had a friendly conversation with him and gave him my number. He never followed up. I really wish my father died without owning anything. Now from NJ, I have to try to get things in order.
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Post by trailboss on Jun 13, 2022 20:57:11 GMT -5
Wow.. that sucks.
Guide yourself going forward by your own sense of what you you deem legitimate through it all. If you can hire an independent lawyer to give his advice, it is all about seeing things are done properly, in that regard, keep your cards close to your chest.
That is the best advice I can give, hopefully it can all be figured out that can be done equitably.
We have a situation similar with 1.5 million hanging in the balance where one of my wife’s sisters has the upper hand. In my wife’s case, I think it is a dead issue as her sister that is a loser to the 10th degree, will probably get it all.
I chose to not interject my feelings on it all, but as time goes by I expect my wife to get nothing….. I gave my advice early on and left it at that… it is what it is in her situation.
It is pretty funky that people will go to their grave without clearly laying it all out, I am not making that mistake.
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Post by Ronv69 on Jun 13, 2022 21:05:10 GMT -5
We put everything in a trust for our only son and put the lawyers number on top. Things were a lot simpler when my mom died in 1997. Now everyone wants a cut.
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msokeefe
Junior Member
Posts: 464
First Name: Mark
Favorite Pipe: Petersen Red 03 bent apple spigot, Savinelli 310 KS
Favorite Tobacco: Father Dempsey, Presbyterian, Wilke’s Crystal Palace, Westminster, Black House
Location:
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Post by msokeefe on Jun 13, 2022 21:24:57 GMT -5
We put everything in a trust for our only son and put the lawyers number on top. Things were a lot simpler when my mom died in 1997. Now everyone wants a cut. Thanks Ron. The best thing is to have a binder with all your policies etc on a binder where people know where to find it. My fathers papers were shoved into an attaché case that I had to look for. I still don’t know what insurance policies he had. Today to try to get my mind off things, I was raking out a garden bed to do some planting. I inadvertently disturbed a rabbit nest with 5 babies. I didn’t touch them, it used the rake to gently cover them again. Hopefully the mom comes back to take care of them. |
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msokeefe
Junior Member
Posts: 464
First Name: Mark
Favorite Pipe: Petersen Red 03 bent apple spigot, Savinelli 310 KS
Favorite Tobacco: Father Dempsey, Presbyterian, Wilke’s Crystal Palace, Westminster, Black House
Location:
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Post by msokeefe on Jun 13, 2022 21:26:57 GMT -5
It would also be good to have the number of the financial planner, so you just make a call. I paid for funeral services, then days later found he already had a pre paid plan.
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Post by Ronv69 on Jun 13, 2022 21:48:02 GMT -5
Sorry buddy. I wish we could be more help.
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Post by Silver on Jun 13, 2022 22:00:48 GMT -5
Mark, I'm sorry for your loss. Hope you can get the estate stuff straightened out quickly.
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msokeefe
Junior Member
Posts: 464
First Name: Mark
Favorite Pipe: Petersen Red 03 bent apple spigot, Savinelli 310 KS
Favorite Tobacco: Father Dempsey, Presbyterian, Wilke’s Crystal Palace, Westminster, Black House
Location:
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Post by msokeefe on Jun 14, 2022 4:49:39 GMT -5
Mark, I'm sorry for your loss. Hope you can get the estate stuff straightened out quickly. Thank you |
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Post by Legend Lover on Jun 14, 2022 5:52:44 GMT -5
So sorry to hear this. Your dad's passing is tough enough without this extra headache.
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msokeefe
Junior Member
Posts: 464
First Name: Mark
Favorite Pipe: Petersen Red 03 bent apple spigot, Savinelli 310 KS
Favorite Tobacco: Father Dempsey, Presbyterian, Wilke’s Crystal Palace, Westminster, Black House
Location:
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Post by msokeefe on Jun 14, 2022 8:09:59 GMT -5
So sorry to hear this. Your dad's passing is tough enough without this extra headache. Thanks |
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Post by oldcajun123 on Jun 14, 2022 8:51:27 GMT -5
 Do what’s right for you, so you can live with yourself, get a trusted money man, let him take some of the load, but watch him like a hawk, when my wife’s Aunt died, we had taken care of her for years, wife got it all. Told the wife if it was me I’d divide it with your sisters and be done with it. That’s what she did, if you do what’s right you’ll never beat up on yourself! I Garronte!
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Post by sperrytops on Jun 14, 2022 10:16:55 GMT -5
Sad news. Navigating wills and trusts is not an easy process. My nephew is dealing with setting up a trust for his daughter, now young but being raised by a stepfather. Relations are all good today, but what if she should become estranged when she is older. Lawyer said these days you basically cannot remove an immediate heir from a trust or will. You can put a million stipulations around it, but a fair inheritance of a parent to a child must be addressed. I'm not a lawyer, so all i can say is get good legal advice. Good luck.
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Post by cigrmaster on Jun 14, 2022 11:23:42 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss. Your father could have easily cut out anyone he wanted to with just a single sentence. Until the official reading of the will not much you can do. Did he put you as executor which gives you the responsibility of doing all that is needed? Or did he name his trust attorney as trustee and he would be in charge of doling things out knowing your fathers issues.
When one of my grandmothers died there were 5 grandchildren who got everything, one of my cousins was totally cut out of the will as she was estranged from the family, she never tried to get anything. . This one grandmothers had both of her sons pass, so she had the estate attorney dole out the money. As far as I could tell she didn't have an executor only the trustee. I didn't get involved except to receive a check. My father trusted his estate attorney with all his corporate clients and family members.
When I set up my trusts I used the same attorney and made him trustee. I also have my oldest daughter as executrix. She just graduated law school and is getting ready for the bar exam. When setting these trusts up you really want to be very explicate as to your wishes. If you want money put aside for your grand children's education, that money needs to be locked away in an education trust and no beneficiary can make a change to that fact.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2022 12:51:01 GMT -5
I cannot offer any kind of advice but I can offer my condolences for your loss. Hang in there, buddy.
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rastewart
Junior Member
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First Name: Rich
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Post by rastewart on Jun 14, 2022 13:20:23 GMT -5
It is a rough situation, Mark, and I'm sorry you have to be in it. Sorting out an estate is hard at best. If you can find an estate specialist in Virginia that you can trust, I think it would be worth the fees. In any case, take care of yourself and do the best you can--that's all a mule can do, as my dad used to say.
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msokeefe
Junior Member
Posts: 464
First Name: Mark
Favorite Pipe: Petersen Red 03 bent apple spigot, Savinelli 310 KS
Favorite Tobacco: Father Dempsey, Presbyterian, Wilke’s Crystal Palace, Westminster, Black House
Location:
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Post by msokeefe on Jun 14, 2022 20:33:36 GMT -5
Thank you to everyone for the support
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Post by adui on Jun 14, 2022 23:49:11 GMT -5
My father died on June 3 at the age of 79. It was horrific. He lived on lake front property in Va. my parents put their lake house in an irrevocable trust, along with an adjoining lot, in 1999. It stipulated that their three sons, which included me would each get a 33 1/3 share of the real estate. My one brother died in 2003, soon thereafter my other brother cut ties with the family. My mom died in 2010. On her death bed I called and implored my estranged brother to visit her before she passed. He refused. By 2009, my father had a will drawn up making me sole beneficiary of his estate. He inserted a stipulation that my estranged brother was omitted from his will, since he was estranged from the family. From what I understand the trust is ironclad and his will does not mitigate that. In 2012, my father decided to build another house on the adjoining lot, as well as a dock and boat lift. At the time of his passing, he had 3 tenants occupying his property. I don’t have a death certificate yet. I have to try to get his affairs settled, so that I can take care of bills and see to the needs of the tenants. One of the worst thing is that due to the trust, my estranged brother may be entitled to 1/2 the real estate. He doesn’t deserve a dime. Five years ago I ran into my estranged brother, I did not bring up the fact that he disavowed my mom on her death bed. I had a friendly conversation with him and gave him my number. He never followed up. I really wish my father died without owning anything. Now from NJ, I have to try to get things in order. You have my deepest condolences. This comes from a more personal nature than normal. We lost my dad at 77 on May 31st of this year. I get the sense of loss more than I wish I did. |
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msokeefe
Junior Member
Posts: 464
First Name: Mark
Favorite Pipe: Petersen Red 03 bent apple spigot, Savinelli 310 KS
Favorite Tobacco: Father Dempsey, Presbyterian, Wilke’s Crystal Palace, Westminster, Black House
Location:
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Post by msokeefe on Jun 15, 2022 5:10:53 GMT -5
My father died on June 3 at the age of 79. It was horrific. He lived on lake front property in Va. my parents put their lake house in an irrevocable trust, along with an adjoining lot, in 1999. It stipulated that their three sons, which included me would each get a 33 1/3 share of the real estate. My one brother died in 2003, soon thereafter my other brother cut ties with the family. My mom died in 2010. On her death bed I called and implored my estranged brother to visit her before she passed. He refused. By 2009, my father had a will drawn up making me sole beneficiary of his estate. He inserted a stipulation that my estranged brother was omitted from his will, since he was estranged from the family. From what I understand the trust is ironclad and his will does not mitigate that. In 2012, my father decided to build another house on the adjoining lot, as well as a dock and boat lift. At the time of his passing, he had 3 tenants occupying his property. I don’t have a death certificate yet. I have to try to get his affairs settled, so that I can take care of bills and see to the needs of the tenants. One of the worst thing is that due to the trust, my estranged brother may be entitled to 1/2 the real estate. He doesn’t deserve a dime. Five years ago I ran into my estranged brother, I did not bring up the fact that he disavowed my mom on her death bed. I had a friendly conversation with him and gave him my number. He never followed up. I really wish my father died without owning anything. Now from NJ, I have to try to get things in order. You have my deepest condolences. This comes from a more personal nature than normal. We lost my dad at 77 on May 31st of this year. I get the sense of loss more than I wish I did. I am very sorry for your loss. |
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Post by Plainsman on Jun 15, 2022 9:16:17 GMT -5
Mark, I am so sorry for your loss. And for the mess you are left to navigate. It is such a common thing, unfortunately.
My first wife was her father’s first child. Terrible, terrible family situation. His second wife was a grasping, scheming harpie. He died a multi-millionaire. To settle the estate the step-mother offered my wife $5000 to butt-out. She was so burned and traumatized by the awful family situation that she accepted. I made no comments.
When my father died he left his affairs in almost complete disorder. Cost a small fortune to clean everything up, with lawyers swimming around like sharks in chum. Finally got it all fixed, but it inspired me to be sure that when I go there will be no such nonsense. A few dollars spent now can save my heirs a lot of turmoil later.
I hope you can find peace soon.
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romaso
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Post by romaso on Jun 15, 2022 11:21:22 GMT -5
Sorry that you have to deal with all that. There is a column in the WSJ that deals with issues like this. It might be worth looking through it to get some ideas and perspective. Remember the legal stuff depends on the state you are in: www.marketwatch.com/column/the-moneyist |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2022 13:02:12 GMT -5
My father died on June 3 at the age of 79. It was horrific. He lived on lake front property in Va. my parents put their lake house in an irrevocable trust, along with an adjoining lot, in 1999. It stipulated that their three sons, which included me would each get a 33 1/3 share of the real estate. My one brother died in 2003, soon thereafter my other brother cut ties with the family. My mom died in 2010. On her death bed I called and implored my estranged brother to visit her before she passed. He refused. By 2009, my father had a will drawn up making me sole beneficiary of his estate. He inserted a stipulation that my estranged brother was omitted from his will, since he was estranged from the family. From what I understand the trust is ironclad and his will does not mitigate that. In 2012, my father decided to build another house on the adjoining lot, as well as a dock and boat lift. At the time of his passing, he had 3 tenants occupying his property. I don’t have a death certificate yet. I have to try to get his affairs settled, so that I can take care of bills and see to the needs of the tenants. One of the worst thing is that due to the trust, my estranged brother may be entitled to 1/2 the real estate. He doesn’t deserve a dime. Five years ago I ran into my estranged brother, I did not bring up the fact that he disavowed my mom on her death bed. I had a friendly conversation with him and gave him my number. He never followed up. I really wish my father died without owning anything. Now from NJ, I have to try to get things in order. You have my deepest condolences. This comes from a more personal nature than normal. We lost my dad at 77 on May 31st of this year. I get the sense of loss more than I wish I did. Terry, sorry for your loss. |
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Post by Silver on Jun 15, 2022 15:58:14 GMT -5
My father died on June 3 at the age of 79. It was horrific. He lived on lake front property in Va. my parents put their lake house in an irrevocable trust, along with an adjoining lot, in 1999. It stipulated that their three sons, which included me would each get a 33 1/3 share of the real estate. My one brother died in 2003, soon thereafter my other brother cut ties with the family. My mom died in 2010. On her death bed I called and implored my estranged brother to visit her before she passed. He refused. By 2009, my father had a will drawn up making me sole beneficiary of his estate. He inserted a stipulation that my estranged brother was omitted from his will, since he was estranged from the family. From what I understand the trust is ironclad and his will does not mitigate that. In 2012, my father decided to build another house on the adjoining lot, as well as a dock and boat lift. At the time of his passing, he had 3 tenants occupying his property. I don’t have a death certificate yet. I have to try to get his affairs settled, so that I can take care of bills and see to the needs of the tenants. One of the worst thing is that due to the trust, my estranged brother may be entitled to 1/2 the real estate. He doesn’t deserve a dime. Five years ago I ran into my estranged brother, I did not bring up the fact that he disavowed my mom on her death bed. I had a friendly conversation with him and gave him my number. He never followed up. I really wish my father died without owning anything. Now from NJ, I have to try to get things in order. You have my deepest condolences. This comes from a more personal nature than normal. We lost my dad at 77 on May 31st of this year. I get the sense of loss more than I wish I did. Condolences, Terry. Mine passed May 10. Leaves quite a hole in my heart. |
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Post by turbocat on Jun 15, 2022 16:34:06 GMT -5
I am sorry to hear that for you. It’s unfortunate how a really bad event can be only the start of new problems. I have been watching this happen with my former mother in law who I was in regular contact with up to her death this past winter at 81. She was a really great person. My ex was the trustee and primary beneficiary, only her and her sister as heirs. Her sister visited less than five times in the two years leading up to her death and was never in her mother’s life, while my ex took care of her mother full time for over a year. The day after her death, my ex’s sister hired an attorney and has been trying to take the entire estate. Even though I believe she will lose miserably, she’s put my ex through a nightmare and it’s likely months to go before it’s over. People really suck some times. I hope things go as well as they can for you.
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Post by Silver on Jun 15, 2022 18:09:42 GMT -5
Events like this, with the prospect of a windfall, can bring out the worst in people.
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Post by trailboss on Jun 15, 2022 20:44:06 GMT -5
Events like this, with the prospect of a windfall, can bring out the worst in people. Sadly, sometimes it doesn’t even take that. The vultures look for anything to feast on. |
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Post by bonanzadriver on Jun 15, 2022 21:54:08 GMT -5
Hearth felt sympathies sir. Losing a parent is tough enough (mom passed 1 year ago this month) but having the added responsibility of going it alone sux. Fortunately my baby sis helped me help our dad through everything.
Prayers coming your way.
Take care
&
God Bless
dino
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Zach
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Post by Zach on Jun 16, 2022 10:24:16 GMT -5
Mark, my condolences on your loss and then on top of, having to deal with estate and inheritance issues. Possibly, if your brother is that far estranged, he's too self-centered to think about what may be left for him at all and by continuing on this path, he may not even think to come after anything. Not great advice on my part but hopefully you can get a good attorney and get the right answers.
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Post by zambini on Jun 17, 2022 12:31:10 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about your dad's death.
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Do what’s right for you, so you can live with yourself, get a trusted money man, let him take some of the load, but watch him like a hawk, when my wife’s Aunt died, we had taken care of her for years, wife got it all. Told the wife if it was me I’d divide it with your sisters and be done with it. That’s what she did, if you do what’s right you’ll never beat up on yourself! I Garronte!
