Q:How can I control my pipe smoking husband?

She sounds like a Control freak and if it bothers her that much the door outta be slamming her in the keyster.
Ya know, It's Marriage, NOT slavery.

This why some of us keep a bottle of Febreeze in the garage.

Personally, I think the response missed the point of the "Dealbreaker".
I believe that the wife was more concerned that her husband was fine with "lying"
about things.Now if the Pipe smoking was the main issue then she should have
addressed that solely.Not bring in the aspect of "lying".I believe that A) she is
controlling,and oppresive,and B) needs to learn more about the aspects of pipe
smoking.She is interferring with the relationship between a father and his son,
and this is symptomatic of a spouse abuser,she is trying to alienate him from his
family.She needs to seek counciling for her abusive tendencies.

This is kind of crazy: "I told him that if he’s going to do it then he shouldn’t tell me about it, and that I better not ever smell it on him. He seems OK with this, but to me, it means he’s OK lying about it."

So... she's telling him to lie to her about it, then getting upset that he's okay with lying to her about it?     The poor guy can never win with "logic" like that.  She's trying to trap him in her own web of control freakery.

Unless her husband is regularly getting wasted with dad at the expense of neglecting the family, (which nothing she says would suggest that), with many families where they are estranged from one another. She should be pleased that her husband has a great relationship with his father. Dad isn’t going to be around forever, and these are opportunities to build great memories upon.

Part of the problem on her part is a wrongheadedness on the dangers that she buys into. I doubt she would complain if he came in smelling like smoke if he sat out by the fire pit playing checkers with dad while drinking sasparilla. The nonsense of secondhand and third hand smoke it appears, she has bought into.

Productive marital counseling takes place when an individual focuses on their own failures and not trying to whip the other person into shape, and this approach she has quite often ends in him defensively pointing out what irritates him about her...after that, the shite starts hitting the fan.

This makes me glad that I married the woman that I did... In the words of the great philosopher Waylon Jennings, “”She loves me in spite of my Mickey Mouse ways that she don’t understand. If she departs terra firma before I do, I am pretty sure it will be the single life for me until my Pipe is broken.

 I totally agree!

wow, that response was something. the guys basically tells her her real concern should be over the fact that her husband and father-in-law can only bond over addictive substances (not his exact words but I think the idea was implied)

in all honesty, though, I think her she isn't being honest with herself or her husband. whether she's aware of it or not, I think she is setting up an "out" for herself in this marriage. I had a friend who married a guy she met in a chatroom. She'd been raised in the Bible belt and he grew up on the West Coast. She visited him and his family several times while they were dating so she was well aware that his family drank occasionally. They were very moderate and responsible about it, no one ever got drunk. She married him anyway. Ten years into the marriage she's giving him grief about his occasional beer or mimosa, harping on the fact that he should give it up because she has a problem with drinking because her uncle was an alcoholic. I would point out to her that she knew about his drinking before they were married, but she'd come back with "if he really cared about me he'd give it up because of my family baggage." Interestingly, she never gave up anything for him if he had an issue about something with her. Well, in just a couple years she left him. She had started adding to the list of things that weren't acceptable anymore. She was no longer happy with him and just wanted out. He hadn't really changed, she just decided she didn't want to be with himm any more and piled on a bunch of excuses for why she was justified in leaving him.

I think this is what is basically happening with this woman. For whatever reason, she is becoming increasingly dissatisfied with her husband and her marriage and she's starting to look for "outs." She called his smoking a "deal-breaker" if not for the kids. Well, if it truly is a deal-breaker then the kids won't keep her with him very long, because eventually she will tell herself that it's a bad example for them to be around and will be better off removed from him and the situation, and then she'll be out the door.

i am female, but i don't fit in with other women. i find them fake and tedious most of the time. i say what i mean and mean what i say. do i still tell hubby from time to time that "nothing is wrong" even if it is? yes. BUT, i deal with it myself and don't hold it against him. if i tell him to do what he wants when he asks about a situation, i don't berate him for the decision he made afterwards if i don't like it. i knew that was a possibility. truth is, unless i foresee his choice being a disaster, i really don't care what his choice is.

but seeing that my college studies were toward psychology, women are fascinating to study, lol.

lol

Lady M, I agree with a lot you said BUT, the first words out of her mouth was "How do I Control My Husband? to paraphrase.
This is what set me off, for you see my last wife (now "X") tried to do the same, to Control and I wouldn't have any part of it, specially
when I gave her free reign to do what she wanted (as should be). So, and not to be argumentative I stand on my first assessment while
what you added could very well to part of it too.
Oh! and my "X" also took psychology in college and thought she could read my mind, shame she was never any good at it.  
It was if she never knew me. And that doesn't mean that you're in anyway like her, in fact I can pretty much guarantee you're not.  

I had to go back and re-read that,and for convienence I will do
a paste here of the councilors words:

"What is troubling, however, is that the only way the two of them can seemingly bond is by
altering themselves with alcohol and/or tobacco."

Just what the BLAZES does that imply.How many of us are "Altered".
Can I use that as a defense for smaking the crap out of the idiot
who decided it was their job to tell me how bad smoking is?

Your Honor,I was under the influence of SG Brown Flake and
can't be held responsible for my actions.

I thought you would like that😉

I'm really lucky in that my wife doesn't try to "change" or control me.And as
far as my pipes,it's her fault I got so involved with them.I was perfectly
content to while away with cigars,and she went and reminded me I had
a pipe sitting there forgotten.Between that and the Piper I've fell in with
online,like JimInks , I can now polute at least half the state if light it all up
at once.But then again that could be the coffee talking,you know how that alters
Ya.