jackdiamond
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Post by jackdiamond on Feb 18, 2019 19:00:07 GMT -5
I've noticed there's at least a couple of poets on here, so I thought I'd make a thread to share it. I'll start with one that I wrote over the last couple of days. I don't have a name for it yet. Comments and criticism are welcome! bigwoolie ! I hope to see more of your work in here. Coyotes howl, and Bill pours two fingers of Rebel Yell into an unglazed mug while curtains of latakia smoke waft through the room, and he tells me a story— sparing people, cities, and countries their true names. Rough fingers lift a tamper to an antique Peterson and pack down the ash before striking a match which sheds faint orange light over his beard and reflect in his eyes. He takes a deep draw, and the story hangs between us, finished. |
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Post by bigwoolie on Feb 18, 2019 19:37:51 GMT -5
I Do Not Know This Trail
I do not know this ancient trail
this faint and dim and fearsome trail
With brooding trees in shadows close
And I, who've trod more miles than most,
have never known a moon so frail
I do not know this wind’s strange song
A sad and keening, knowing song
using notes both soft and free
that somehow do not threaten me
Still.. I could wish that moon more strong
So my pony sets our pace
A soft and steady, easy pace
through hoary mountains cold and high
in silent guard of timeless sky
And that moon…
…just caressed my face
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jackdiamond
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Post by jackdiamond on Feb 18, 2019 21:06:44 GMT -5
I Do Not Know This Trail I do not know this ancient trail this faint and dim and fearsome trail With brooding trees in shadows close And I, who've trod more miles than most, have never known a moon so frail I do not know this wind’s strange song A sad and keening, knowing song using notes both soft and free that somehow do not threaten me Still.. I could wish that moon more strong So my pony sets our pace A soft and steady, easy pace through hoary mountains cold and high in silent guard of timeless sky And that moon… …just caressed my face Normally, rhyming a word with the same word makes my teeth clench, but you've done it well. That third rhyming line in each stanza makes it work, I think. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2019 21:12:25 GMT -5
Love to participate. Perhaps I'll post a link, but most of mine are end of the world, God is coming stuff. Great thread, though. I love seeing that our club is so diverse
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jackdiamond
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Post by jackdiamond on Feb 18, 2019 21:14:59 GMT -5
Love to participate. Perhaps I'll post a link, but most of mine are end of the world, God is coming stuff. Great thread, though. I love seeing that our club is so diverse I love the apocalypse. Post it, brother! |
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Post by trailboss on Feb 18, 2019 21:31:05 GMT -5
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jackdiamond
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Post by jackdiamond on Feb 18, 2019 21:45:56 GMT -5
That would be a lot of fun to go to. |
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Post by just ol ed on Feb 18, 2019 22:02:40 GMT -5
most know I been brain-addled for eons...all I can "contribute"
I'm a poet
dunno it
feet showit
(big groan from all is welcome)
Ed Duncan, Batavia, NY
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jackdiamond
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Post by jackdiamond on Feb 18, 2019 22:03:35 GMT -5
most know I been brain-addled for eons...all I can "contribute" I'm a poet dunno it feet showit (big groan from all is welcome) Ed Duncan, Batavia, NY  |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2019 3:38:33 GMT -5
When I was younger I was more of a poet. Now a days my poetry usually starts with “ hickory dickory dock “ , if written after the first one or two, this thread would surely be locked. Definitely don’t want that for sure!!!
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Post by qmechanics on Feb 19, 2019 3:40:24 GMT -5
"The limerick's callous and crude,
It's morals distressingly lewd.
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding;
It's designed for us vulgar and rude!"
Not mine but still..
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Post by bigwoolie on Feb 19, 2019 6:27:47 GMT -5
[/guote]
Normally, rhyming a word with the same word makes my teeth clench, but you've done it well. That third rhyming line in each stanza makes it work, I think.[/quote]
Thank you! I suppose, technically, the last words of the first two lines in each stanza do not rhyme, but the same word is just repeated. The first line gives a thought or view of the speaker, and the second line then simply expands and gives the reasons for the first thought. It's a very simply pattern, a-a-b-b-c, but sometimes simple means are the best way to evoch simple emotions. I wrote that one at a time when I was forced to take a new path in life due to some body wreckage and recovery, and I was not at all comfortable with the new path in life I found myself. Then I eventually realized it was just another new trail to explore, and so I settled down and went on to follow it out to the end.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2019 11:34:05 GMT -5
No way could I come up with poetry. Remember John Belushi on the stairs of Animal House?, that's what I want to do when I hear poetry. ..lol
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Post by Legend Lover on Feb 19, 2019 16:20:32 GMT -5
I could never write anything like that. It's a talent I just don't have. I'm impressed though.
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jackdiamond
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Post by jackdiamond on Feb 19, 2019 17:42:44 GMT -5
I could never write anything like that. It's a talent I just don't have. I'm impressed though. Talent doesn't have very much to do with it, honestly. I just choose something, write a quick draft of it. Editing is about 95% of the work for me. |
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Post by qmechanics on Feb 19, 2019 21:14:05 GMT -5
I could never write anything like that. It's a talent I just don't have. I'm impressed though. Talent doesn't have very much to do with it, honestly. I just choose something, write a quick draft of it. Editing is about 95% of the work for me. Are we speaking about real talent or simply the olde college try?😁 |
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jackdiamond
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Post by jackdiamond on Feb 19, 2019 21:16:27 GMT -5
Talent doesn't have very much to do with it, honestly. I just choose something, write a quick draft of it. Editing is about 95% of the work for me. Are we speaking about real talent or simply the olde college try?😁 I think the old college try is worth a lot. I'm always surprised what I can accomplish if I just give 'er a shot. |
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Post by qmechanics on Feb 19, 2019 21:24:22 GMT -5
Are we speaking about real talent or simply the olde college try?😁 I think the old college try is worth a lot. I'm always surprised what I can accomplish if I just give 'er a shot. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact I would encourage everyone to try and never give up. |
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jackdiamond
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Post by jackdiamond on Feb 19, 2019 21:25:07 GMT -5
I think the old college try is worth a lot. I'm always surprised what I can accomplish if I just give 'er a shot. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact I would encourage everyone to try and never give up. Let's see your poetry, then! |
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Post by bigwoolie on Feb 20, 2019 8:52:09 GMT -5
The Corridor of Time
Long is the corridor
of recognized time.
Birthing a history
omniscient and blind
bendable, biddable
winding and hazy
seducing a people
both ruthless and lazy
with perceptions of truth
more real
than the truth of their perceptions
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jackdiamond
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Post by jackdiamond on Feb 22, 2019 21:11:24 GMT -5
The Corridor of Time Long is the corridor of recognized time. Birthing a history omniscient and blind bendable, biddable winding and hazy seducing a people both ruthless and lazy with perceptions of truth more real than the truth of their perceptions Very nice. I like the lines "seducing a people/both ruthless and lazy" a lot. |
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Post by bonanzadriver on Feb 22, 2019 21:43:29 GMT -5
As some of you here know, I've been a pilot for almost 30 years now.
10 years ago, while on a flight to the Cayman Islands with Blondie, I jotted this down...
The Air Up There
"Mortal man does sit and stare, does wonder with all his might
To contemplate the air up there, to most would surely fright
The air up there seems oh so rare, unseen, untouched, unknown
What could be in the air up there, if only one were shown
The air up there most surely rare, tis sweet, tis clear, tis pure
Should one be in the air up there, ones heart might not endure
The dreams of man since time began, to float, to fly, to soar
To feel Gods wonder, his beauty and might, to see from where rains pour
To gaze ever upward as one does walk, or shuffle as one looks down
The difference plainly clear to all, must be Heaven they have found
To think it, to dare it, to do it, absurd, one would most surely fail
But if one should taste the air up there, if one were to pierce the veil
Then Angels they now would surely be, a realm that was once only theirs
Now known to mortals, if this be true, their secrets they must have shared
How wonderful is the air up here, divine, sublime, surreal
So wonderful is the air up here, tis ecstasy one does feel"
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Post by bigwoolie on Feb 23, 2019 6:08:07 GMT -5
The Corridor of Time Long is the corridor of recognized time. Birthing a history omniscient and blind bendable, biddable winding and hazy seducing a people both ruthless and lazy with perceptions of truth more real than the truth of their perceptions Very nice. I like the lines "seducing a people/both ruthless and lazy" a lot.
Thanks! It seems to sum up the vast majority of society trying to use history as a weapon today
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2019 13:36:07 GMT -5
From the sublime to the ridiculous; a limerick I wrote some years ago and have posted elsewhere:
There was an old Vicar of Wylde
With a temper exceedingly mild;
His patience so stoic
Was soon deemed heroic
For when kicked in the balls he just smiled.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2019 13:39:55 GMT -5
Or then again:
Consider John Worthington Rane
a bad tenor profoundly inane
he is loathsome and servile
and looks like a gerbile
but his singing provides us with rain.
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Post by Legend Lover on Feb 23, 2019 13:43:50 GMT -5
From the sublime to the ridiculous; a limerick I wrote some years ago and have posted elsewhere: There was an old Vicar of Wylde With a temper exceedingly mild; His patience so stoic Was soon deemed heroic For when kicked in the balls he just smiled. That's superb! |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2019 13:51:51 GMT -5
From the sublime to the ridiculous; a limerick I wrote some years ago and have posted elsewhere: There was an old Vicar of Wylde With a temper exceedingly mild; His patience so stoic Was soon deemed heroic For when kicked in the balls he just smiled. That's superb! Thank you. In Ireland or Britain I suppose one could substitute, for clarity, "For when kicked in the bollocks he smiled", which also scans nicely I think. |
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Post by Legend Lover on Feb 23, 2019 13:54:01 GMT -5
Thank you. In Ireland or Britain I suppose one could substitute, for clarity, "For when kicked in the bollocks he smiled", which also scans nicely I think. Lol. Yes it does. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2019 14:05:20 GMT -5
Now that you've encouraged me, I just wrote a new one:
There was a young man of Assizes
with balls of two different sizes
the small one was crude
and was often poo-pooed
but the big one it won some fine prizes.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2019 14:08:00 GMT -5
I think I'd better stop now, for that way madness lies.
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