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Post by Matthew on Jun 24, 2019 21:41:45 GMT -5
Today my boss had me loading a bunch of furniture from a basement onto a 16ft trailer. My boss is my Brother in law.My great nephew was "helping",he wants to earn some money this summer.He is 12 yrs old. Like any young person he needs to be pushed and prodded a bit, but for the most part he tries.
Well today the boss had some personal business he had to attend to,medical stuff,and my GN thinks it's his place to ask "How much will it cost?". Well GP was nicer than I,he just gave him some simple answer then ignored further questions. GP went to discuss some things in person, and I took my GN and informed him that his question was out of line.I informed him that you only ask that type of question if your in a position to help. Since he clearly couldn't assist in paying the bill,asking how much was just being nosy.
Later,the GP and I were talking privately,planning the next work day and such,or I should say tried to.The GN started popping off "whispering,whispering,why are we whispering?". After a few minutes of this I quite loudly told him we were discussing ADULT stuff,and that if we wanted him to know we would have talked LOUDER. Each word getting louder until you could hear the Army coming out.
I then apologized to my Brother in law for letting the "Redneck" out.
I think he might let me negotiate for his next car though.
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Post by puffy on Jun 24, 2019 21:57:59 GMT -5
Nothing wrong with teaching respect..Now I will say this..I think that kids especially older kids should be taught the financial realities of life..What life style do you want to live? What will it cost to live it? What kind of job do you need to earn that much money.I'm not sure enough of that is being taught.
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Post by trailboss on Jun 24, 2019 23:50:07 GMT -5
If a situation arises where you can provide a teachable moment to a child that is ignorant about a situation like this, by all means do so... but do so knowing your audience.
A mild mannered child would benefit from a different approach than a kid that might be brash in nature.
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Post by Legend Lover on Jun 25, 2019 4:28:24 GMT -5
Personally, I don't think you did a boo boo, but it's not for me to judge.
On the other hand, perhaps it's good for children to know just how much things do cost... But there's a time and a place for that.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2019 5:55:01 GMT -5
The process from a boy to a young man is often a hard road with many lessons learned the hard way. I say you did alright Matthew he will learn a lot from you on the journey.
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stone
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Post by stone on Jun 25, 2019 7:05:31 GMT -5
I don't think it was a boo-boo. Youngsters need to learn respect and while they also need to learn the cost of life, someone else's medical bills is not a starting point. He needs to learn the cost of work boots, the cost of gas to get where he wants to go, a basic reliable car, the gadgets he wants, etc. Medical bills is waaaaaaay down the road.
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Post by papipeguy on Jun 25, 2019 7:44:14 GMT -5
Most young adults don't understand the impact of their words on others. Their brains are still developing so what appears to be nosy could just be inquisitive. I think you did OK with him but, personally, I would hold a review session with him about the day and his questions. A mentioned earlier, those become teachable lessons. We tend to forget that 12 year-olds are still children growing into a man's body.
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Post by Legend Lover on Jun 25, 2019 7:51:54 GMT -5
Most young adults don't understand the impact of their words on others. Their brains are still developing so what appears to be nosy could just be inquisitive. I think you did OK with him but, personally, I would hold a review session with him about the day and his questions. A mentioned earlier, those become teachable lessons. We tend to forget that 12 year-olds are still children growing into a man's body. wise words. |
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Post by Matthew on Jun 25, 2019 8:22:31 GMT -5
I'm sure he got a more detailed discussion with his dad later.His dad,my nephew,
is the Lil-Brother I never had.We're pretty close.It's just that the youngen has been
coddled his whole life by momma and now he thinks he's growed up.Don't get me wrong,
he's a good kid,just needs the same kick in the pants we got growing up.I learned my
lessons digging ditches and splitting wood.Friend of mine in HS once called me a
"daddy's boy",when he got the cast off he apologized.
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Post by puffy on Jun 25, 2019 9:19:17 GMT -5
17 was a hard year for me.Everyone told me to act like an adult.Yet no one seemed to want to treat me like one.
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Post by Ronv69 on Jun 25, 2019 10:17:08 GMT -5
12 is a rough age at any time. Not really a child, but not old enough to have any responsibility. I would really hate to be 12 again. If not for the Scouts I don't think I would have made it to 13.
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sablebrush52
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Post by sablebrush52 on Jun 25, 2019 10:39:19 GMT -5
I'm clearly missing something here. What is wrong with a kid being curious? Kids are curious. It may not be comfortable for you to answer his question, in which case you can suggest he ask your brother. We are awash in an ocean of incurious people who end up leading limited lives of stunning mediocrity.
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Post by sperrytops on Jun 25, 2019 11:57:51 GMT -5
I'm clearly missing something here. What is wrong with a kid being curious? Kids are curious. It may not be comfortable for you to answer his question, in which case you can suggest he ask your brother. We are awash in an ocean of incurious people who end up leading limited lives of stunning mediocrity. I agree. Kids ask direct questions. They deserve direct and serious answers. Even if those answers are to inform the child that someone else finances are not their business and if they wish can ask the appropriate individual at a later time. That person can choose to respond as they wish. |
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Post by Matthew on Jun 25, 2019 15:46:41 GMT -5
I'm clearly missing something here. What is wrong with a kid being curious? Kids are curious. It may not be comfortable for you to answer his question, in which case you can suggest he ask your brother. We are awash in an ocean of incurious people who end up leading limited lives of stunning mediocrity. It really a matter of perspective.Where I might ask how much someone gave for a car, I won't ask how much their surgery cost.If I know they have insurance I might ask what their premium is or the deductible.But at 12,this young man is just now learning a work ethic let alone true life social skills.He has been home schooled and treated like a
little prince all his life.He wants to earn money to buy new video games,but his idea of earning is having money given to him.At 12 my step-dad taught me to use a chainsaw, that was making my chores easier.40+ years ago,when we moved out to this acreage,I spent the first summer digging a ditch the length of the east side.I had a shovel,pickaxe,and wheelbarrow. But,the first day of school I showed up wearing a brand new pair of stovepipe Dingos that
I paid for myself.
Questions are fine,and I didn't jump his case about asking questions.But some questions can be inappropriate.I had one knucklehead that wanted "locker room" stories of my honeymoon. I answered him the same way,"That's F*****G Rude". I didn't cuss my GN,just tried to ,IMO, educate him a bit.He did ask my brother in law,his Grandfather, and he should know his GF is very uncomfortable talking about medical expenses.He has been around him his whole life.
As to the other part,I was taught early that if I wasn't invited to the conversation,stay out of it.Not try to
eavesdrop or make asinine comments about how others need to speak up so I can hear too.
(This has to do with the Grand-nephew not any contributors to this thread)
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Post by kbareit on Jun 25, 2019 20:00:53 GMT -5
I think you did the right thing. You took him aside and explained his error in asking a question about private matters. All I got when I was a kid was, Shut up and mind your own business or I got rapped in the mouth. I've never in my life been asked how much a medical procedure cost me by anyone and I've had a few.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2019 20:51:37 GMT -5
Just remember folks the famous Dr Spock who told us all we were raising our children incorrectly then later his own grand son raised on time outs jumped to his death. So much for the curious experiment.
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