Bruno's Socialist Codger Experience

As some of you might have read in a different thread, I've just acquired something of a collector's items these days: a legendary tobacco in Czechoslovakia, Taras Buľba. Just putting this tobacco in a jar to rehydrate has spurred me to dedicate a diary of sorts to this journey, updating it as I go along.

This will be a longer read, one that you'll enjoy I hope. There might be some factual mistakes, writing this according to the best of my knowledge with a dash of humor (so take it with a grain a salt). 



Let's start with a little history. 

Brief intro to tobacco in Czechoslovakia

Until 1992 there were two state-owned enterprises for tobacco, same in name, but functioning independently: Československý tabakový priemysel (Czechoslovak tobacco manufacture) with one headquartered in Kutná Hora, just east of Prague, and a Slovak counterpart in Bratislava.

The fine specimen in question was manufactured mostly in the Rimavská Sobota branch in Slovakia. Taras Bulba is not a pipe tobacco per se, the designation is just "loose tobacco" and people indeed used it in roll-up cigarettes and such as well. There were also two other "blends" (calling these a blend is really pushing it), Nová Zmes ("New Blend") and Bača (best translated as "chief shepherd" I guess). They were cheaper than Taras, so go figure. 

The other branches manufactured all kinds of cigarettes, cigars, and cigarillos; both filtered and unfiltered of varying quality under a multitude of brands. While there were differences in quality, there were only a few top brands: the quality level of the rest lied not in tobacco, but mostly in how well the thing held together.

Some brands were especially known for these characteristics, e.g.:

• "Detva" (named after the city) cigarettes were also referred to as "nezábudky" (forget-me-nots) because if you forgot to puff they'd go out almost immediately.
• "Bystrica" (named after Banská Bystrica, also a city) cigarettes were infamous for being very loosely packed. You could pick one out of the pack and 2/3 of the tobacco were gone on its way out. A friend told me they used to remark on very thin people being "shook like a Bystrica".

There's a lot we could cover so we'll stop things here as this is enough general background for Taras.

Where it got its name from

Of course, Taras wouldn't be a true socialist tobacco product if it didn't have a name rooted in either local geography and/or either latent or obvious dedication to communist thought.

The tobacco got its name after a novella of the same name by Nikolai Gogol. There's more to it, but my tl;dr version of the plot is as follows:

Taras Bulba was a Ukrainian cossack with two sons. One of the sons fell in love with a Polish girl. Nothing wrong you'd say, but ol' Taras was having none of it, for his conviction was that no man should ever marry before proving himself in battle. And as such, he recruited some fellow cossacks and brought the Poles to sword! While he was at it, he executed one of his sons, but no love lost, as he was a traitor and a weakling anyways. His other son was captured and tortured to death short after, but such is the war. Ultimately, the sands of time also caught up with Taras and he was captured as well. He miraculously escapes, but wait! He forgot his pipe! 

The escape plan is aborted, and as Taras heroically returns for his pipe he announces:"Even a cossack pipe must not fall into the hands of a Pole!". And so does Taras, and the pipe, meet their end bound to a tree under rather unfortunate circumstances.

Seeing that Taras is indeed a true paragon of patriotism, the powers that were saw fit to name the tobacco for the common people after him. And indeed, they picked well. In the words of Martin Pecina of Dymkar.cz, "If somebody tells you that the greatest heroes of our nation fought in the squadrons of RAF or the French legions, don't believe them for a second. The greatest civic bravery was packing your pipe each and every day with the fetid hay sold under the (otherwise innocuous) name Taras Bulba." 'Nuff said.

Unpacking the tobacco

I am greeted by sturdy paper packaging out of the box with some tobacco seeping through. Extremely curious whether the legends are true, I hurriedly take a whiff. The result is surprising, it actually doesn't smell too bad. I think no more of it and continue working on the wrapper, albeit a little disappointed.

Upon opening the wrapper, the gravity of my mistake is revealed. Taras immediately tests my manhood from beyond the grave as I realize that what I've smelled was not the tobacco, but only the wrapper. At the slightest touch, the bone dry tobacco raises a hellish cloud of something that I can only describe as stale sriracha fortified with rotting grass.

With watery eyes, and battling a coughing fit, I empty the contents on a paper towel; contemplating whether the pending Corona virus crisis truly is what I should be worried about right now.

The fruits of my labor are a sight to behold though. When they said 50 g on the wrapper, they really meant it.



Turns out the packaging is right about a lot of things; "loose tobacco" captures it perfectly as it's, loosely, more or less tobacco. Even if this thing is dried as hell and over 30 years old, the aroma is still very pungent. The air around me is still heavy with the dust.

The tobacco is rather coarse with many twigs in between, smaller and larger alike. To be honest, some of the twigs already reached puberty and are happily on their way to becoming branches.



I get myself ready for another dose of the vile particles and move the tobacco to mason jars with some ceramic stones to start the rehydration process. I guess that will take some time.

This gives me plenty of space to contemplate which pipe shall be sacrificed on the altar of this cossack's revenge.

End of entry 1.