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Post by turbocat on May 4, 2023 13:57:45 GMT -5
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Post by turbocat on May 5, 2023 13:06:08 GMT -5
A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench. He went over there and asked them why they guard it.
"It’s a camp tradition, but we don't know why.” They said.
He searched for last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why he had placed guards at this particular bench.
"I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and so I kept the tradition."
Going back another 3 commanders, he found a now 98-year old retired General.
"Excuse me sir. I'm now the CO of the camp you commanded 60 years ago. There are men assigned to guarding a bench here. Could you please tell me anything about the bench?"
The General says, "What? Is the paint still wet?"
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Post by urbino on May 5, 2023 16:04:10 GMT -5
A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench. He went over there and asked them why they guard it. "It’s a camp tradition, but we don't know why.” They said. He searched for last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why did he had placed guards at this particular bench. "I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and so I kept the tradition." Going back another 3 commanders, he found a now 98-year old retired General. "Excuse me sir. I'm now the CO of the camp you commanded 60 years ago. There are men assigned to guarding a bench here. Could you please tell me anything about the bench?" The General says, "What? Is the paint still wet?" Ha. That could be an IT organization. |
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Post by turbocat on May 6, 2023 14:12:33 GMT -5
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Post by trailboss on May 6, 2023 15:16:26 GMT -5
A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench. He went over there and asked them why they guard it. "It’s a camp tradition, but we don't know why.” They said. He searched for last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why he had placed guards at this particular bench. "I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and so I kept the tradition." Going back another 3 commanders, he found a now 98-year old retired General. "Excuse me sir. I'm now the CO of the camp you commanded 60 years ago. There are men assigned to guarding a bench here. Could you please tell me anything about the bench?" The General says, "What? Is the paint still wet?" I could see it happening, CO’s constantly have young soldiers that are on the sh*t list, an unrevised command could be handy! 😉 |
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Post by turbocat on May 7, 2023 13:59:58 GMT -5
A dentist goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand-new Bugatti Chiron.
It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $1.5M. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"
The dentist replies, "A Bugatti Chiron. It cost one and a half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money." says the old man.
"Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 250 miles
an hour!" states the dentist proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the dentist.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right, but I'll stick with my moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the dentist decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror - what it could be...and suddenly...
WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Bugatti?" the dentist asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Bugatti up to 175 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped!
Amazed that the moped could pass his Bugatti, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph.
WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Bugatti all the way up to 250 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again!
The Bugatti is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Bugatti, demolishing the rear end.
The dentist stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror."
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Post by turbocat on May 8, 2023 14:34:43 GMT -5
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Post by turbocat on May 9, 2023 14:25:50 GMT -5
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Post by turbocat on May 10, 2023 13:43:21 GMT -5
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Post by turbocat on May 11, 2023 14:01:51 GMT -5
It seems we’ve had a few instances of this here on the patch where people who haven’t posted for a while are assumed to be dead.
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Post by Ronv69 on May 11, 2023 14:04:30 GMT -5
It seems we’ve had a few instances of this here on the patch where people who haven’t posted for a while are assumed to be dead.
Well, in my defense, he might as well have been dead. He dropped in to fuss and disappeared again. |
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Post by turbocat on May 12, 2023 13:25:28 GMT -5
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Post by turbocat on May 13, 2023 14:55:32 GMT -5
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Mrs. Zarnicky
Junior Member
Posts: 183
First Name: Anichka
Favorite Tobacco: (Country Squire) Hunting Creek, Black Arrow. (Sutliff) Vanilla Custard
Location:
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Post by Mrs. Zarnicky on May 14, 2023 15:33:06 GMT -5
Neighbour telling Zarnicky that smoking will make me sick.
Ridiculous! smoking cures salmon.
Hee,hee, Zarnicky so funny, I making myself laugh.
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Post by turbocat on May 15, 2023 15:03:09 GMT -5
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Post by turbocat on May 22, 2023 14:10:06 GMT -5
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Post by oldcajun123 on May 22, 2023 14:43:32 GMT -5
 I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions. Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.
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Post by trailboss on May 23, 2023 20:36:44 GMT -5
😂😂😂😂
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Post by turbocat on May 24, 2023 14:03:32 GMT -5
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Post by turbocat on May 25, 2023 13:55:38 GMT -5
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Post by oldcajun123 on May 27, 2023 12:31:50 GMT -5
The Spoon For any of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need for the service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference to an organization..... Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, 'Why the spoon?'Well', he explained, 'the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76%.' I asked 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?' 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
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Post by turbocat on May 28, 2023 14:07:30 GMT -5
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I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so
