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Post by oldcajun123 on Dec 16, 2020 11:11:09 GMT -5
Buddy sent me this,   |
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Post by taiguy66 on Dec 16, 2020 11:24:31 GMT -5
I don’t get it! LOL...🤪😁
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Post by oldcajun123 on Dec 16, 2020 11:39:00 GMT -5
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Post by mrlunting on Dec 16, 2020 13:19:34 GMT -5
Boneless chicken wings. Lmao! Too funny too funny all of them.
Thanks so much for sharing!
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Post by Ronv69 on Mar 21, 2021 22:28:57 GMT -5
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Post by Legend Lover on Mar 22, 2021 4:41:21 GMT -5
Ha. I like the boneless chicken one.
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Post by just ol ed on Mar 22, 2021 8:19:12 GMT -5
adding greets & thank yewwwww so much for the "brighten the day" contributions this morning. Made my day!
Ed Duncan, Batavia, NY
80 & mostly upright still
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booknpipe
Junior Member
Posts: 117
Favorite Tobacco: Burley
Location:
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Post by booknpipe on Mar 22, 2021 16:00:58 GMT -5
Me: I want a gun belt that will fit around my cat.
Gunshop: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Me: But then I could call her Kitty Kitty Bang Bang.
Gunshop: ...
Me: ...
Gunshop: Give me her measurements.
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Post by mrlunting on Mar 22, 2021 16:28:02 GMT -5
Me: I want a gun belt that will fit around my cat.
Gunshop: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Me: But then I could call her Kitty Kitty Bang Bang.
Gunshop: ...
Me: ...
Gunshop: Give me her measurements. 😶 |
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Post by Ronv69 on Mar 22, 2021 17:14:40 GMT -5
Me: I want a gun belt that will fit around my cat.
Gunshop: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Me: But then I could call her Kitty Kitty Bang Bang.
Gunshop: ...
Me: ...
Gunshop: Give me her measurements. 😜👍 |
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Post by Plainsman on Apr 23, 2021 18:05:08 GMT -5
Two elderly long-time pistol shooters meet on the street...
“You won’t believe the great new set of hearing aids I just bought! I can hear perfectly now!”
“Really? That’s great. What kind is it?”
“Uh... it’s half past four.”
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Post by terrapinflyer on Apr 25, 2021 6:27:32 GMT -5
A monastery in the English countryside has fallen on hard times, and the monks decide to open a fish-and-chips restaurant.
A visitor comes across two monks working in the monastery kitchen in preparation for the restaurant’s grand opening. The first monk fries the fish, the second one peels, slices, and fries the potatoes.
“What are you guys doing?” asks the visitor.
“Well,” says the monk frying the fish, “I am the friar, and he is the chip monk.”
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Post by isett2860 on Apr 27, 2021 9:38:02 GMT -5
 I had no idea this was how they refilled beer kegs😝 |
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Post by oldcajun123 on Apr 27, 2021 9:42:52 GMT -5
One day a duck walks in a store... ...and asks the manager if they sell grapes. The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes." The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes." The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes! If you ask one more time, I will nail your beak to the floor!" The duck goes home. It comes back the next day and asks the manager if he has any nails. The manager says, "No, I don't have any nails." The duck says, "Okay, good. Do you sell grapes?"
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Post by trailboss on Apr 27, 2021 10:20:47 GMT -5
😝
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Post by Legend Lover on Apr 27, 2021 10:36:35 GMT -5
One day a duck walks in a store... ...and asks the manager if they sell grapes. The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes." The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes." The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes! If you ask one more time, I will nail your beak to the floor!" The duck goes home. It comes back the next day and asks the manager if he has any nails. The manager says, "No, I don't have any nails." The duck says, "Okay, good. Do you sell grapes?" Here it is in music form... |
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Post by oldcajun123 on Apr 27, 2021 10:44:37 GMT -5
Yours is a lot better than mine, liked the music!
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Post by pepesdad1 on Apr 27, 2021 13:44:58 GMT -5
Yours is a lot better than mine, liked the music! See!! The older you get, like me and oldcajun, the more our minds just....float away! Got any grapes? waddle, waddle... |
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Post by just ol ed on Apr 27, 2021 15:44:25 GMT -5
yrs ago I felt the need to see a shrink. Laid down on the couch & started stuffing pipe tobacco up my nose.
Doc: "I see sir, you DO have a problem. What can I do for you"?
Me:"Well doc, ya can start off by givin' me a light"!
ok awready, gimme a big GROAN
make it a double groan
Ed Duncan , Batavia, NY
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Post by trailboss on Apr 27, 2021 19:12:24 GMT -5
sidstavros... did you hear about the 2000 year old oil stain? It was a remnant from Ancient Greece. This joke delivered courtesy of my granddaughter.
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Post by qmechanics on Apr 27, 2021 19:25:58 GMT -5
I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home… That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
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Post by oldcajun123 on Apr 28, 2021 13:32:33 GMT -5
What do you call a cow that just gave birth? DECALFINATED?
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Post by terrapinflyer on Apr 28, 2021 15:00:42 GMT -5
How do you get down from an elephant?
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You don't! You get down from a goose.
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Post by jeffd on Apr 29, 2021 15:48:47 GMT -5
A man walks into a bar and orders three bourbons.
The bartender brings him the three bourbons, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, why don't I just bring you one bourbon at a time. I'll bring you a fresh one as soon you finish the last."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three burbons, too, and we're drinking together."
The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three bourbons.
Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "My condolences on your loss."
The man replies, "What on earth do you mean?"
The bartender says, "Well, understanding your wonderful drinking tradition, I am sorry you have lost a brother."
The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."
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Post by trailboss on Apr 30, 2021 13:27:19 GMT -5
Tax Audit
A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered tax evaders. Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi.
Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.
"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer, so he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way.
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard now how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the I.R.S."
"The I.R.S.? What would the I.R.S. do with them?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"I don't know the details, but about once a year, they send us a little prick like you," replied the Rabbi.
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Post by Plainsman on Apr 30, 2021 18:10:47 GMT -5
So VERY good!
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Post by fadingdaylight on Apr 30, 2021 20:33:50 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm stealing that one Charlie
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Post by trailboss on Apr 30, 2021 21:27:29 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm stealing that one Charlie Well, I stole it from a pipe club member.😝 |
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Post by Legend Lover on May 1, 2021 4:29:45 GMT -5
Tax Audit A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered tax evaders. Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi. "Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles." "Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked. "A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer, so he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way. "Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls." "Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard now how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?" "Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the I.R.S." "The I.R.S.? What would the I.R.S. do with them?" questioned the auditor in disbelief. "I don't know the details, but about once a year, they send us a little prick like you," replied the Rabbi. I heard a similar version of this with a slightly different ending... When asked what is doing with the foreskins, the rabbi says, 'we send them to a man who makes them into wallets.' 'Wallets?' replied the auditor. 'That's not very impressive.' 'Ah,' said the rabbi, 'but give them a little tickle and they turn into a suitcase.' |
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Post by terrapinflyer on May 1, 2021 6:36:10 GMT -5
That's where I thought that one was going, LL.
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