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Post by Plainsman on Sept 1, 2023 23:23:19 GMT -5
WARNING: When in town, do NOT leave your vehicle unlocked!
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Post by jeffd on Sept 4, 2023 16:55:24 GMT -5
A company makes cushions for bar stools, to make them more comfortable. They call them stool softeners.  |
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tree16
Junior Member
Posts: 104
Location:
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Post by tree16 on Sept 7, 2023 14:41:22 GMT -5
I'm teaching my 4 y/o some jokes and she's got a few memorized at this point. My favorite is What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
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Post by Plainsman on Sept 11, 2023 10:50:03 GMT -5
An Indian takes his old non-working pocket watch to a jeweler. When the back of the watch is pried off a dead bug falls out. The Indian says, “No wonder watch no work. Engineer dead.”
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Post by urbino on Sept 11, 2023 15:25:02 GMT -5
I was just looking for something in the fridge and noticed that the Yuengling 12-pk carton says: "Please recycle. Save our planet. It's the only one with beer."
Well played, Yuengling.
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Humor.
Sept 11, 2023 19:26:28 GMT -5
via mobile
Darin likes this
Post by trailboss on Sept 11, 2023 19:26:28 GMT -5
At the top of his game.
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Post by SailorBen on Sept 12, 2023 0:02:47 GMT -5
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Post by SailorBen on Sept 14, 2023 10:45:04 GMT -5
Why is a moon rock more delicious than an Earth rock?
A Moon rock is a little meteor.
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Post by username on Oct 12, 2023 13:32:43 GMT -5
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Post by trailboss on Oct 12, 2023 14:33:47 GMT -5
😂
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Post by oldcajun123 on Oct 19, 2023 11:03:16 GMT -5
 Two old ladies are sitting on a bus stop, smoking. It begins to rain, and one old lady pulls out a condom, stretches it out, snips the tip off and puts it over her cigarette so she can smoke without her cigarette getting damp. The other old lady thinks that it is a nifty trick and asks her what she put over her cigarette. The lady replies that it is a condom, and that you can buy them at a pharmacy. The 2nd old lady thanks her, and makes a note to pick one up when she gets her prescription filled later that week. Sure enough, a few days latter she enters the pharmacy, goes up to the young man working the counter and says “Young man, I would like to but a condom please”. The young man is taken aback by her advanced age, and replies “Wow. Good for you! No one has ever asked me for help with that before… um. What size do you need?” The old woman pauses, then replies “I need one that will fit a camel”.
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Humor.
Oct 19, 2023 21:14:23 GMT -5
via mobile
Ronv69 likes this
Post by trailboss on Oct 19, 2023 21:14:23 GMT -5
😂
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Post by trailboss on Oct 21, 2023 21:29:07 GMT -5
On an instant messaging app with my Arizona pipe smoking buddies...
Mike: My lesbian friends got me a nice little timepiece as a gift.
I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."
Me: I suppose you ended up better off than telling a couple gay dudes, "Pour me a stiff one"😊
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Post by Plainsman on Oct 23, 2023 19:05:57 GMT -5
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Post by Plainsman on Oct 24, 2023 8:05:25 GMT -5
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Post by jeffd on Oct 25, 2023 20:17:36 GMT -5
Q. Which of your senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. My sense of decency.
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Post by toshtego on Oct 26, 2023 12:03:49 GMT -5
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Post by oldcajun123 on Oct 26, 2023 14:08:33 GMT -5
Karen’s dishwasher stopped working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a cheque”. “Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my bulldog Spike. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!” When the repairman arrived at Karen’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name-calling. Finally, the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”
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Post by trailboss on Oct 26, 2023 23:33:07 GMT -5
That there is funny, Brad.
We had a driver that was chewed up pretty good on the reservation by a neighbors dog. I took some editorial allowance and posted this to my colleagues.
A patient called, said she would not be home, but go ahead and make the dialysis delivery..
“Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my bulldog Spike. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!”
When the driver arrived at Karen’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the driver go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name-calling. Finally, the driver couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!”
To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”
That is the real story on how George got bitten.
😂😉
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Post by oldcajun123 on Oct 28, 2023 9:25:11 GMT -5
A guy walks into a bar carrying a paper bag. He sits down, orders a drink and puts his bag on the bar. The bartender says, “What do you have in the bag?” The guy reaches into the bag and pulls out a tiny piano, a piano stool and a tiny man. The little man jumps on the piano stool and begins playing. The bartender says, “That’s pretty cool. Where did you get that?” The guy reaches into the bag again and pulls out a brass lamp. He says, “This is a magic lamp. If you rub it a genie will come out and grant you one wish.” The bartender rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie comes out and asks the bartender what he would like to wish for. The bartender says, “I want a million bucks.” A few minutes later a duck walks into the bar followed by more and more ducks. Pretty soon the bar is overrun with ducks. The bartender says, “Hay, is this genie hard of hearing? I didn’t ask for a million ducks; I asked for a million bucks.” The guy says, “Ha, ha. Do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”
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Post by trailboss on Oct 28, 2023 9:26:43 GMT -5
😂
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Post by SailorBen on Oct 31, 2023 1:01:25 GMT -5
Since it's that time of year:  |
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Post by oldcajun123 on Nov 1, 2023 11:07:26 GMT -5
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Wyoming, Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looked him over, "Nope." Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down tomorrow." Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope, Not a clue", she replied. 'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!' Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat..,,! 
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Post by oldcajun123 on Nov 6, 2023 8:18:48 GMT -5
Two guys are driving through the desert when their car breaks down thirty miles from the nearest town. The driver gets a big backpack from the trunk, the passenger gets a wrench and takes the passenger door off and they start walking. After a couple of miles the guy with the door asks why are you carrying that bag? It looks heavy. He said it has snacks and water in case we get hungry or thirsty. After a couple more miles, bag man asks why are you carrying that heavy door through the desert? He said if we get too hot I can roll down the window.
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Post by Ronv69 on Nov 6, 2023 14:18:23 GMT -5
Tee Boudreaux is 24 years old and still living at home. Boudreaux and Marie are starting to worry about what he is going to do with his future. Boudreaux tells Marie, "Cher, let's do a little test. We goin' to put a ten-dollar bill, a bible and a bottle of booze on de table, and when Tee Boudreaux comes in, we gonna be able to figure out what he's gonna do. If he takes de ten-dollar bill, he's gonna be a business man, if he picks up de bible, he's gonna be a preacher, but if he picks up de booze, I'm afraid he's gonna be a bum de rest of his life." So the put the stuff out and hid in the closet when they heard Tee coming in. Tee walks by the table, picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it and puts it in his pocket. Then he picks up the bible, flips through it, and puts it under his arm. He picks up the bottle of booze, takes a healthy swig out of it, and walks off with the rest of the bottle. Boudreaux and Marie, were watching all of this through the keyhole, and Boudreaux sighs, "Mais Cher, it looks like our son is gonna be a damn politician !"
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Post by oldcajun123 on Nov 6, 2023 14:48:56 GMT -5
Good one Ron. Mu old Cajun friend told me this one. Old Cajun women are no nonsense women. T-Noc goes to the Dr, comes back home with a fifth of Whiskey under his arm, Marie's his wife says what you gonna do with that whiskey CHER! He says Dr says I only got to days to live , we gonna party tonight then I'm gonna have some Go Go, she's looks at him says HUMPF NOT ME I GOT A FURNEAL TO GO TO !
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Post by Ronv69 on Nov 6, 2023 15:05:16 GMT -5
My nephews are classic Cajuns, dark olive skin and bright blue eyes with the spark always showing. Anytime I get together with them I am bombarded with one joke after another. The more beer, the faster the jokes come. And all the women love them. I dunno. 🤔😉
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Post by oldcajun123 on Nov 11, 2023 6:21:41 GMT -5
A little boy is sitting on a park bench crying. An old man comes hobbling by with his cane and sees the boy sobbing. So, he asks, “little boy, why are you crying?” The boy looks up and responds, “because I can’t do what the big boys can do.” The old man thinks for a second then sits down and starts crying too.
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Post by oldcajun123 on Nov 22, 2023 9:46:26 GMT -5
Two redneck Trump supporters are driving a big truck. They come to an overpass marked ‘MAX HEIGHT 14’6″’ One turns to the other. “Seth,” he says, “How high is this truck?” Seth says “You know that, Billy Jim Bob! This truck is sixteen feet tall.” So then Billy Jim Bob says “And what does that sign say?” Seth answers him “It says fourteen feet six inches.” “And how tall is this truck?” “I told you Sixteen feet!” Billy Jim Bob looks around carefully. “Well,” he says, “I don’t see a cop in sight. I say we go for it.”
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Post by oldcajun123 on Nov 22, 2023 10:57:18 GMT -5
I apologize for the Trump insertion, did not mean to disparage anyone about their choice, my oldest Son is a trump supporter , I am not a supporter of any poly tics, I Garronte!
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Two old ladies are sitting on a bus stop, smoking. It begins to rain, and one old lady pulls out a condom, stretches it out, snips the tip off and puts it over her cigarette so she can smoke without her cigarette getting damp. The other old lady thinks that it is a nifty trick and asks her what she put over her cigarette. The lady replies that it is a condom, and that you can buy them at a pharmacy. The 2nd old lady thanks her, and makes a note to pick one up when she gets her prescription filled later that week.
