Humor.

A vegan and vegetarian jump off a cliff with a bet to see who would land first. Who won society.

Two horses are sitting at the bar. And the first horse says to the second horse; ‘The weirdest thing happened to me the other day. I was at Belmont Park out at Elmont, NY ready, in the gate for the 3rd race. The gate opens and I take off. I’m pulling my stride, holding my own, doing good for the first 3/4 of the race. Then all of a sudden there’s this smack on my hip and sharp prick and immediately I feel this overwhelming surge of energy. My stride lengthens, I got wind, I pound into the turf, pull away from the pack and finish 2 lengths ahead of the next horse.’

The second horse sitting at the bar says; ‘No shite? The other week I was down in Santa Anita in Arcadia, CA and the same thing happened! I came out of the gate, feeling good, holding my own, then a slap and prick to the hip and I get this surge of energy and finish 1 1/2 lengths ahead of the next horse. It was crazy!’

Just then, a dog sitting at a nearby table says; ‘That’s nuts. Last week I was down at Agua Caliente in Tijuana, MX and the same thing happened. I come out of the gate, see the mechanical rabbit bobbing ahead of the pack, I start to dig in chasing it and I’m in good position. Then bang! There’s a slap on my hip, and sting and all of a sudden I’ve got all this crazy burst of energy. I dig in, take off like a rocket, rip the fur off the mechanical rabbit and finish the race in first place with no other dogs near me. How nuts is that?’

Just then back at the bar the first horse says to the second horse; ‘Check it out! A fucking talking dog!’

Showed this to the wife and she hurt herself laughing. I hope you are happy! 😉

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries, and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, divided them into two piles, and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip, and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously, they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’


As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine-they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said,

"No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked,

"What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered, "My turn for the Teeth !

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🍾🍾😢😢😢😢🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🇱🇷🇱🇷🇱🇷🥰 FOR RON, SO TRUE!

When does joke becoming dad joke?

When it becoming apparent.

When it becoming apparent?

After delivery.

Happy holiday to all!

Anichka 

Snow is a lot like sex.

You never know how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll last.

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that's where light beer comes from

A whiskey drummer was being promoted and was breaking in his replacement. They were in Buffalo Wallow, a town he hadn’t been to on his route for three years. As they were having breakfast at the hotel the replacement noticed an old Indian sitting along the wall of the dining room. The drummer explained that the hotel management considered him local color and tolerated his presence.

As they were leaving the drummer said, “You know, I am told that old Indian sees and remembers everything. Let’s test him.”

“How, chief! I was here three years ago and had breakfast in this room. What did I have?”

The old Indian looked him up and down and said, “Sausage and eggs.”

Just then they heard the train whistle and had to rush off or they would have missed their train to the next town. The drummer duly returned to his new executive position in St Louis. Twelve years late he was on a company trip and wound up in Buffalo Wallow again. He was amazed to see the old Indian was still in his place in the hotel dining room. He greeted him. “How, chief!” The old Indian looked him up and down.

“Scrambled.”

I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,

and I said, "Nothing."

The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case!

Oh hell no! 😂